


Together We Will Live Forever

by SaranAeternus



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Burns, F/M, Gore, Human Experimentation, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Maid, Misanthropy, Neurology & Neuroscience, Psychopaths In Love, Romance, Sexual Tension, Sexual Violence, Torture, Triggers, Violence, burn victim
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-05-06 00:05:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5395235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaranAeternus/pseuds/SaranAeternus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At times maybe two people shouldn't meet in their lives. And at times maybe these two people meet at the wrong part in their lives. With no money to continue with her studies, Katarina ends up with a cleaning job to fulfil her economical cracks. When she ends up working at the Victoriano-mansion she meets the mysterious scientist hidden behind bandages and closed doors. Soon she learns that they are not so different after all, but perhaps she has ended up with more than she bargained for...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sa Bir

 

> _You and I, we may look the same_  
>  _But we are very far apart_  
>  _There's bullet-holes where my compassion used to be_  
>  _And there is violence in my heart_  
>    
>  _Into fire you can send us_  
>  _From the fire we return_  
>  _You can label us a consequence_  
>  _Of how much you have to learn_
> 
> _\- Nine Inch Nails "My Violent Heart"_

 

_All films that venture onto the cinema screen deals with the subject of death, in one way or another. How we fade into nothingness, how we wade into the lonely lakes of darkness, and how the love we once felt dies out. Usually the climax is people knocking on death’s door, but swiftly (and predictably) getting passed it and moves on. Humans are so fascinated with their own mortality, scared, but at the same time drawn to the morbid of dying._

Katarina could blame the rain for being inside, but truth be told she wouldn’t have gone out even if the sun was shining and she knew it. What use was it when she couldn’t get a job because she hadn’t finished her studies and she couldn’t finish her studies unless she got a job and could pay for it, the cycle was endless like this. It all felt so useless, she had been getting no calls back from the ones she searched, and there were all kinds of shitty ones. She was living on the economical verge at this point, and the society is built up around consumerism and making money, so there wasn’t much else to do. The film on her television screen ended, just like everything else, and she found her gaze toward the window instead. It was rather beautiful when it rained in a way, she kind of felt more at home in a world covered by grey clouds than by a blue sky and sunshine. In front of her television was a glass covered black sofa-table which held her cell phone and some old newspapers she hadn’t gotten rid of. The phone suddenly let out a minor vibration and she stretched forward to get a grip on it. She unlocked the phone and noticed a new text-message from an old acquaintance, by the name of Tatiana. She was a nurse and had been in contact with Katarina several times during her time in foster care. Katarina’s father left her mother before she was even born, and when she was 11 her mother disappeared. It was the most terrible thing ever to happen in her life, being betrayed and forgotten by her own mother who she once loved endlessly. She had been sent back and forth between different foster cares, but mostly she lived at a special care home until she turned 18. She never talked about it, nor did she have a friend who knew about her past. She was soon to turn 24, and it felt like ages ago, even though it really wasn’t. Sometimes she wondered if maybe she just wasn’t able to work like normal people after everything, and that’s why she never found an employment. She tried not to dwell on the matter, but it was indeed difficult. It had shaped her entire being from that point and onward. She read the message.  
  
_Are you still in need of a job? I might have found something for you. It’s not something fancy, it’s just a cleaning job, but it has a semi-decent payment and I know you really need it_  
  
Katarina felt an immediate relief as soon as she read the words. Tatiana had always been helpful to her, they met at the special care home when she was only 15 and they had stayed in contact from time to time since then and just generally got along very well from the beginning. Katarina liked that she didn’t sugar-coat everything and she actually tried to help people instead of just pretending to do something.  
  
_Really? That would be great; I haven’t had any success at all… So where is it? I’m down for anything at this point, the bills are piled up... Thanks for helping Tatiana~_  
  
She typed and walked over to the window and looked out over the scenery from the 12th floor. This was the first good news she heard in a long time now.

A few days later in the morning the alarm bell rang at 7am, earlier than it had in ages. This would be the first day of her new job. Katarina’s regular evenings the past months were spent with the laptop in her knee and the television as company in the background, and she continued the trend even the night before this one. Usually she slept until early noon and stayed up until early morning, so it was unusual to be up before the sun had even begun to rise. The late autumn had come and the leaves were losing its colour already just as the days were getting darker.

Katarina begun with a quick shower, before she tried to mask her own hideousness with artificial beauty in make-up, and afterwards she begun twisting her intensely black coloured locks of hair with a curling iron. After staring such a long time into the mirror she just felt immensely ugly and tired of it, she looked at the time and noticed it was about time to go. A nervous feeling suddenly washed over her, it had been so long since she had done any kind of work and she was worried it might go bad.  
  
_No, I will not give up so easily._  
  
She fought with her dark thoughts and decided not to give up so easily. She would give her all because Tatiana had gotten her this job, and she would not fail her or herself.

The dark haired woman did not own a car, and the bus station was not far from her flat luckily so she could easily walk down there in a matter of fifteen minutes, where a cab would come and pick her up since it was so remote. She had received some information from Tatiana, she was going to clean in a scientist’s house and it was situated way outside of town. It had to be a big house if she was supposed to only clean in one place, but at least it felt better than cleaning at a big business building where thousands of people would work. Hopefully.

The houses were getting fewer and further in between and the forest was claiming more and more land as they rode forward. It was as time shifted when they turned into a smaller road and a big pointy black fence was seen in the distant as the forest started clearing up. The fence had a sharp and gothic style to it, she couldn’t quite tell how tall it was but it seemed to be at least 2 metres. The road led to a huge gate in the middle of the fence that looked extraordinary high-technical even through its gothic architecture. There was a sharp steel V-engraved in the middle where the gate parted. _V as in Victoriano._ There were also three separate cogwheels on the gate leading up to three syringe-shaped mechanics that somehow controlled the gate and made it open by turning. It was a fascinating piece of equipment, she wondered how it was built. Katarina had never seen anything like it before, and she didn’t have time to grasp their function as the car started rolling through the now open gate. They continued on the road forward for a few minutes until a house started shaping on top of a hill. The whole plot of land was huge. The car stopped on top of the hill before the house, where there was a big round fountain where the small gravel road went in a circle around it, so you could turn around and go back. Katarina looked up at the mansion trying to make an estimated size guess but she had no idea. It was huge, dark and very Victorian, fitting to the name. It felt as if this was a separate bubble where time had stopped long ago where the rest of the world had moved on. It reminded her of a haunted house that had been neglected, at least on the outside, with its scary windows and worn façade. It was beautiful. There were a few steps that led up to the big double entrance door, and she walked toward it and rang the doorbell. It echoed harshly throughout the building, she could hear it from the outside even. She waited, and heard the wind blow through the rattling bushes on her side, which made for the haunted house feeling even more imminent, like taken from a horror film. As the door finally was opening her heart felt a sharp sting of anticipation, as she was met with the scientist standing there in a white cloth robe. His shining light grey eyes only met hers for a second before he looked away. His gaze was cold and it felt like he stared through her shallow veil covering her soul, if she now had believed in souls. There was nothing scientific about them, and she found them to be made up by people trying to convince themselves they were important and had a purpose. In her mind it was hilarious how people always try and flee the facts of meaninglessness. Wandering through her own mind again she snapped out of it and greeted the man.  
  
“Hello sir” she began and tried not to stare at the bandages on the left side of his face, but questions begun to arise in her mind already. “I’m the new cleaner.”  
  
“I figured” he said, and still avoided looking directly in her eyes, and it made her feel intimidated as if he was already annoyed by her, but then again she didn't really care. She was there to work and not socialise anyway.  
  
He left the door open as he turned around and went back into the house. In a confused state Katarina entered the building and was met with a huge hall. It had two stairs on each side, both covered in a bright red carpet all the way down to the entry level. It was beautiful and filled with different artworks; it almost felt like she had entered a mansion from the 18th century for a while.  
  
“So… where do I...”  
  
“You can find what you need in the cupboard next to the bathroom over there” he interrupted her and nodded towards the left side, where a door was located behind one of the stairs. He didn’t stop however and was ready to keep walking up the stairs again, but on the right side.  
  
“Uhm, sir?” she asked carefully, feeling daunted by looking at his back. He was tall, she thought to herself. He was almost an entire head taller than she was, she felt like a tiny punch bag next to him but that didn't make her falter.  
  
He abruptly stopped and looked back at her, as if waiting for her to continue. She wasn't scared of him, he could tell. It was unusual, most people were intimated by him and admittedly the man liked that, it made people keep their distance. He didn't have time for them anyway. When she didn’t say anything he spurted out a cold sounding, “What?”  
  
“You can't expect to just leave me, I don't know what this place looks like… What do you want me to do first for example?”  
  
Silence fell over them and she didn’t say anything when he didn’t reply immediately, instead she kept her eyes on him so he knew he could not simply ignore her. Well he could ignore her, but then it wasn't her fault if she didn't get anything done.  
  
“Clean everything. I’ll be working so I won’t be in the way.”  
  
He looked at her for yet another second before he turned around and kept walking the path he was supposed to go the first time. Katarina saw the scientist disappear beyond a door on the second floor. There was an eerie feeling in the entire building, and she did not want to impose on the scientist further in case he would get angry, not that she was scared she was mostly trying to be rational with keeping her job. With her bag over her shoulder she ventured into the kitchen and found the way to the cleaning cupboard. Not shaken by the size of the house, she took a deep breath and begun cleaning, she was determined to surprise by her good work.

Ruben did not want to have strangers at his house, but Tatiana had insisted she would get him help with the house since he kept avoiding doing any kind of cleaning on the property and living in such a big space it couldn't simply be neglected. Why would he clean though, he had much bigger things to take care of than a simple house. He was working on something remarkable, something _revolutionary._ When the cleaner arrived he became short on words. He always knew what to say and what to do, but her dauntless mannerism had really caught him off guard. He would have to be careful so she wouldn't case trouble, then he would have to deal with her whether he wanted to or not. 

The sun was turning into one with the horizontal line and the darkness was brought over the city. Katarina found a chair and just fell down on it. She was waiting for her cab to come and take her back home, and was she eager to get home to her bed. Her energy was completely depleted; there was just no end to the rooms in this house. Her entire first day had been filled with hard work but she had only gotten half-way. The scientist had not been seen since this morning, and in one way he kept his word of not being in her way. He was so mysterious, a weird scientist living in a remote scary house like this covered in odd bandages just lit her imagination with horror stories, but she liked horror stories. She was keen on finding something interesting out. Maybe he had a weird collection of dead animals he experimented on, it didn't matter, she was sure to find out. She could relate to the misanthropy of his life-style, as it seemed anyhow, the longing for complete solitude although she would never be able to handle it for an extended period of time without beginning to question what was even real any more. Well, she wasn't sure but she guessed. With the last bits of energy she managed to get up next to the entrance to check if the cab had arrived yet. An approaching light was seen from the car as it drove up in front of the building. As she sat in the car she glanced up toward the second floor of the mansion and felt the presence of a sharp gaze in one of the windows. It was just a feeling, she didn't actually see anybody, just a sense of being watched came upon her. The feeling did however diminish as the car rolled distant to the mansion. First day was complete, it was a huge relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I don't know, if anybody actually read this I just want to say thanks if you did!
> 
> But I don't expect anyone will haha. So this is a slow start, but things are about to get more interesting hopefully as things are bound to start happening! I felt I didn't want to rush too much since it wouldn't feel sincere and didn't fit any of the characters really.
> 
> This piece is VERY loosely based on The Evil Within, as it contains characters but the events are not as in the game as noticeably.
> 
> I'm not a native English speaker so there's bound to be mistakes! Also I'm not that good at writing or anything in life, so criticise your hearts out!


	2. Crescent

A few weeks had passed already, and Halloween was just around the corner. By that time Katarina could navigate around the mansion pretty easily, but she had not exchanged more than a few words with the scientist that occupied the building. The woman had tried engaging in some sort of conversation a few moments where they had crossed paths but he did not stuck around for too long. It had been a long day, Katarina was looking forward to go home and get some rest and maybe read a book or something.

“You” she heard a stern voice say as she was going to take her jacket in the hall, and looked around to discover the man coming forth around a corner.

The man was holding a piece of paper in his right hand and looked like he was thinking of something else while he was talking with her. It was odd that he suddenly came looking for her.

“Oh, good evening mister Victoriano” Katarina replied, looking at his bright gray eyes while she had to chance to do so.

“I need to leave on an urgent matter, and I shall be absent till around tomorrow evening. I need you to stay here. I don’t trust to leave it empty.”

She tilted her head, _stay the entire night here by myself? Why the hell would I do such a thing?_ The thought of it gave her the creeps. But then again, she couldn’t deny more income and maybe she could explore the house when no one was there…

“Well… do I get a compensation?”

“You will.”

His reply was short and as soon as their eyes met he looked away as if he was uncomfortable. It wasn’t that surprising, from what she had learned his social interactions was on the sparse side. A nagging thought in her mind was curiosity about his bandages, she had never seen him without them but perhaps she would find out one day. It was impolite to ask, they were practically strangers still.

“If that’s the case then we have a deal.”

As she put her jacket back on the hanger she begun to speak with her back turned toward the man.

“Hey, mister, why do you need someone to wa…”

As she was speaking she noticed he was already gone before she had time to finish her question. _Why do I need to be here if he is going away? Why can’t he just lock the place and leave? Well at least I get some extra money out of it_ , she thought as she walked through the halls.

 

A few hours had passed and technically Katarina was not asked to perform any sort of work but she did not want to slack off with her duties just because he was gone since it would have to be done sooner or later, but she could take it with more ease. From all the rooms, the huge library on the second floor was probably her favourite, so she went and started to skim through the book-titles to relax for a little bit. It had a nice fresh smell of old books as she entered the room. Many books were about human anatomy, psychology, biology, neuroscience and pathology. She had been studying in the neuroscientific-areas herself when she was still able to study, and in fact she was quite impressed of all this interesting literature. She pulled out a book that caught her interest and with it fell a thin beige-coloured journal with a few pages inside. She reached for it and saw it was a medical journal. Maybe it wasn’t anything about the scientist, and maybe it was purely informational, but none the less she was curious. She could just take a little peak, nobody would ever know. She sat down with it alongside a few other books in a comfortable chair behind her and opened it.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Ruben Victoriano – Beacon Hospital

Discharged: 2010.03.16

Doctor David Mark

 

The patient came in on the night of (2009.05.17) with severe looking burns (severity not yet determined). The patient fell into a comatose state after the first treatment. Patient awoke at (2010.02.29). The patient was asked but rejected further skin regenerative surgery or treatment. Case was filed under domestic fire accident.

 

Patient shows signs of mental distress, nightmares and anti-social behaviour, possibly post-trauma, after the accident. Tests indicate that the burnt skin is senseless and body temperature is left unregulated. Patient seems troubled by ceaseless headaches and psychical pains. Signs of appetite loss and insomnia remain. Medicines have been prescribed. Patient will be discharged on (2010.03.16) due to personal demand, home-visits will be made.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Katarina felt thrown off balance from what she read. The second part of the note was torn and she couldn’t complete the page. A red pen had written LIARS right where it was torn. Katarina could never imagine being in that position, and she did not realise that he was as badly wounded as he was. If his skin was mostly burnt and couldn’t regulate body temperature it explained why the house always seemed to be on the cold side. Her thoughts were disorganized, had she maybe been too judgemental? She had never really tried to make contact with him; maybe he was just as nice and lonely as the next person and she acted like he was a crazy scientist. She leaned back and looked at the big window. She had no idea; she could never understand other people’s feelings. It was night and raining outside, and here she was in some kind of mansion. Ruben, that was his name. He had never told her, but realising, neither had she asked.

 

As evening turned to night the rain still fell heavy outside, and here she was stuck in this mansion all by her lonesome. Without realising it Katarina had fallen asleep in the chair during the late night, with one of the books still in her lap. When the woman once awoke she yawned and it took a few seconds before she apprehended that she was still in the library. _How did I manage to fall asleep here? I must have been so exhausted._ A sound was heard from the hall and she looked around. The medical journal was not there. Where did she put it? She couldn’t quite recall if she put it back or not. All the other books she had looked at had not been moved but the journal was not there. _I wonder if he will notice if it’s gone?_ She had no idea where it was, looking underneath the chair and around on the floor. It was such a personal journal that she was worried he would feel she was prying if he found out, and maybe he would fire her. She was way too desperate to afford such a thing happening, since it would probably ruin her financially even though she could claim she just found it by accident. As she was crawling on the floor searching she heard the wooden floor crack behind her.

“Did you drop something?”

Katarina was startled and turned around instantly to see that the scientist, Ruben, was already standing there. How early did he arrive home? And he was able to walk in such a silent way… It was unusual but he was wearing a white coloured shirt with thin stripes on it with black dress-pants, he was looking far more sophisticated than she had ever seen the man before.

“Uhm… yeah” she said and stood back up looking confused but managed to smile slightly. He had approached her first, this was a time she would not let go to waste. “When did you get back? Thought you were supposed to be gone until this evening?”

“I was, but my efforts proved fruitless.”

He seemed to be thinking about something, gazing out in the air just as if he was having an inner monologue. Wonder what he was thinking of?

“That’s too bad… I hope you don’t mind that I read some of your books.”

She was holding a few in her hand and tried to remember where she took them from. He knew what books they were instantly as he glanced over toward the dark haired woman; the man had after all read and remembered all of his books.

“That’s fine.”

The man thought the conversation to be concluded but was taken by surprise as he got interrupted by the cleaning lady once again.

“Wait, can I ask you something?”

He didn’t reply, but simply looked at her and as their eyes met she was suddenly filled with an odd feeling. Something was off with her, she did not know what it was. The silence and he staying in the room was taken as an approval of her question.

“I have been working here for over a month and… I don’t even know your name.”

“So?”

“So, tell me your name? I’m Katarina.”

“You’ve been here long now. You can go home, take the rest of the day off.”

Before she had time to reply he was already on his way out of the library.

_Goddamnit. I know your bloody name is Ruben; I just wanted you to tell me_. Did he shrug her off because she was asking a personal question? The thoughts were going haywire in her head. As she decided to take his offer of resting she called for a cab to take her back home.

 

The apartment in the city was well-lit as night fell, and a smell of lavender came from the candles in the living room. Katarina was laying there on her back staring up at the ceiling. It’s just a name, why was it so hard to tell her that? She tried to stop herself from thinking on it, but she got stuck up on it. Wanting to punch something she just went to bed instead. Not even television, books or showering could make her not think about it, and she became even more upset over the fact that she was thinking about it at all.

 

The following morning the rain was hitting the windows and the weather was grey. _I’m so tired…_ Katarina rolled over in her bed and yawned. Just as the woman was about to fall asleep again she was awakened by her phone ringing. After not being able to move for a few seconds she gained control and took her phone.

“Are you sick?”

A dark voice was heard on the other side of the phone, and it took a few seconds to recognise that it was the scientist’s voice. She had never heard him on the phone before, in fact, she didn’t think he even had a phone. He seemed like an old-school guy who would send letters to people. She giggled by the thought of it for some reason, seeing him sending a letter in her head and waiting impatiently for a reply seemed absurdly amusing.

“What, no I’m…”

“Then get over here _Kat_. You’re late.”

“Bu-“ He hung up right as she was about to speak, which was just like him to do. “Goddamn him.”

Apparently she had overslept, and should have been at his house for 2 hours ago. A heavy sigh was heard as she hurried up. She had to call and pay for a cab herself since she had missed the free one. Already the pain was felt in her empty wallet. He just had to live far away out in the forest so it was extra expensive. Normally it felt like she wouldn’t put up with this sort of behaviour but for some reason she did.

As she finally reached the mansion she just went inside and started cleaning the kitchen like she normally would, and didn’t even notice as the man set foot in the room.

“This weekend, can you work? Something has come up.”

“Holy, you startled me” she said and held her hand on her chest for a second. “Yes, I suppose I can.” The woman tried to smile but she knew another weekend of work would be tiring.

“On Friday a few people are going to arrive. Some pseudo-scientists, pretending to enjoy being here, simply for the sake of wanting my money. Only greed drives them.” As he spoke, he realised he had perhaps talked too much. He could never trust anyone. _Not again._

“Okay… so what are we doing?”

She protruded her lips slightly and took her long dark hair and hid it behind one of her ears so it stopped getting in the way, and she was eager to hear what the man had to say.

“Go to the attic and fetch the decorations. Since we are having a gathering this weekend, we must present the mansion in its full glory.”

“Covered with Halloween-decorations that is?”

“Yes,” he spoke hastily with his dark sinister tone. “As grotesque as possible.”

“Okay sir, I’m on it” she said and wiped her newly cleaned hands on a towel.

“Oh, it’s Ruben” he said quickly, and did the usual trick of walking away afterwards, almost as if he didn’t want to deal with the aftermath, or perhaps he was just inclined to being as mysterious as possible.

Katarina’s lips formed a tiny smile as he said that, finally he had told her. It was a sign of acceptance in a way for her, he hadn’t shown any sort of emotion or personality prior to that moment. It was peculiar that such a scientific man owned this much Halloween-decorations, Katarina wondered how his Christmases looked like as she was running through the attic with her eyes. Being a cleaner sucks, she thought, remembering how she used to read so much when she still attended school. Nowadays the time was more spent in the Victoriano-mansion than anywhere else. Hours upon hours of work were finally completed, and the mansion was transformed into the ultimate Halloween-building. Katarina had never celebrated it, and to be honest she did not think of Ruben as such a person, but none the less she couldn’t hide it was quite funny seeing cobwebs and spiders everywhere. At least she had done her first part and was ready for this, _gathering_ , that was supposed to take place this weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I had already started this chapter before the first was posted so here it is now, it didn't take as long as it should have probably. I'm not sure I'm absolutely satisfied either, but then again I never am. Hope I'm not rambling too much, if I am please let me know :( 
> 
> Anyway the next chapter will continue in the Halloween-times and this mysterious "gathering" will take place and more interesting events will start to occur hopefully... Which people are coming and why? Is Ruben really that sort of person to have a social meeting? And maybe Katarina herself will step forward even more, proving her independence but will her curiosity lead her to places she never thought was possible? 
> 
> I don't know :c it's so hard to get it exactly how I want.   
> But thanks to everyone who read the first chapter! ♥ I never thought anyone would!


	3. Gathering

> _I've been wailing like a child at the bottom of a well_   
>  _I've been pacing like a man in a prison cell_   
>  _I am buried above the ground_   
>  _and noone knows anything_

 

The wind was singing outside and some morning dew lay resting on a leaf as an unknown car pulled up in front of the Victoriano-mansion. The weekend had begun and so these _pseudo-scientists_ , as Ruben so cleverly had called them, was beginning to arrive. Katarina had an interest in witnessing who these people were. From the scientist’s words, it seemed like he did not like them so perhaps there was another motive to them all coming here. She opened the main entrance door to greet the first arrival. It was an average looking mature man with greying hair and wrinkles underneath his eyes. He was wearing a dark wool coat and as he walked toward the entrance Katarina could see he was glancing around on the area. In his left hand he was holding a hidden document, and his right was empty as he held it out to her.

“Hello Madame… who might you be?” he said as their hands met briefly, before he stepped inside.

“Hello sir, I am Katarina. I work here.”

“Pleasure. My name is John. I thought you were here for the meeting as well but I was wrong.” He chuckled. “So, where is Ruben?”

Katarina looked at him as he was going to hang up his coat, when another car arrived outside and stole her attention from the man speaking.

“I don’t know, he said he would be down here shortly. Please wait here while I greet the others.”

It took maybe twenty minutes for everyone to arrive, when some were early and others late. Everyone was waiting down in the big hall discussing when Ruben appeared at the top of the stairwell. He was wearing a tucked shirt and dress pants once again, he looked very formal and Katarina could only wonder if his clothes were as expensive as this house. For some reason she ended up thinking away when looking at him, he didn’t seem like the normal social type that would agree on having such a gathering in his own home. Even after this time Katarina had no idea on what they all were going to do here. She had only received a list of names and was told to remember them so she could show them to their rooms after dinner.

“Right this way” Ruben said and asked the scientists all to follow him.

All of them were old stereotypical men; Ruben looked like the youngest out of them all. Perhaps that was why they didn’t like him, even if they pretended Katarina could sense a hint of coldness toward him. As the bunch walked into the great dining hall where lunch would be server the woman knew she had to prepare dinner in the kitchen. For once it actually contained food, every other time she had been here it had hardly been any sort of edible item. It made he wonder what Ruben ate, she had never seen him eat anything at all. A brief moment of concern came over here, before she brushed it off and continued with her chores.

Morning passed outside her window as Katarina was chopping the last bit of leek and put it in the stew. Even if being a sort of maid and doing household chores that were seemingly normal, cooking had never been a strong point of hers. She followed the receipt carefully so nobody would run out and puke when they began eating. Katarina sat down in the kitchen. There was a special time when Ruben had said he wanted her to come with the food. Katarina yawned and leaned her elbow on the table. She felt a touch of being excluded sitting here alone listening to the clock tick.

Ruben was listening to the men discussing at the table, hiding his inner disgust toward their pretend scientific reasoning, but he could not say that out loud because this was all part of his plan. Time was moving slowly. Small-talk was never his strong side, it was almost always uninteresting and just used to fill.

“Well, I shall take a look at lunch” he said and stood up, and excused himself with a nod. As soon as he came outside the dining hall a sigh of relief was let out. These social gatherings always felt like a chokehold, a waste of time. Ruben started walking in the hall, and ventured onward to the kitchen. He didn’t know a lot about the cleaner, only that her name was Katarina, and he preferred to keep it like that since most of the time the more you learn about a person the bigger are the chances of learning that they are disgusting. The man had little interest in friendships anyway, they were time-consuming and impractical, he could be doing so much with his time. He could finish his machine.

Katarina gazed upon the clock and stood up again and were trying to get everything ready on the rolling cart so she could push everything into the dining hall. She didn’t notice that the man crept up on her with his silent steps. When she turned around she almost dropped the white plate she was holding.

“Shit, you scared me” she gasped and took a calming breath, while he seemed to look weirdly at her. “Uhm… I’m not late, right?”

“No” he replied, still with an abnormal expression in his bright grey eyes, and he didn’t fully understand why she got so scared. He lived there after all, it wasn’t strange. “Do you need any help?”

Katarina tilted her head and didn’t know why he was looking at her so weirdly, when he came up and spooked her in the first place.

“I hope you’re not insinuating that I _need_ any help.”

Not expecting the defensive response when he was offering _his own_ help struck him with shock. In his head the scenario was playing out entirely different, it was not supposed to go like this. He would offer his help, she would accept and it would show the other scientists that he was caring in a way.

“So uhm, I appreciate the offer but I am fine. Though I’m hungry, can’t I join?”

“…no. Then who will serve?” Ruben simply felt more confused as the conversation went on.

“Well you can do it” she smiled. “Or they can just take the food themselves…”

Ruben just looked at her perplexed and couldn’t tell if she was serious or joking.

“Relax, I’m kidding” Katarina said when she noticed how utterly appalled and puzzled he seemed. It was quite amusing, she did not expect such a response, but then again he did not seem to have the best social side.

Ruben entered the dining hall right after Katarina arrived, and unwillingly she had to start serving these people food. Her work seemed to cover anything imaginable you could do in a household, there were never any set rules on what she could and couldn’t do. She could already feel the gaze coming from one of them, in fact he didn’t even try to cover his lusting gaze and it was uncomfortable. Katarina felt she would punch him hard in the face if not for the fact that she was here working. She then had to retire to stand in the corner of the room and wait for anybody to need something. Every time she looked up at Ruben, he just sat with his glass of water and stared down at his plate with food. Time went by, and everyone had finished eating. Coffee was served and already the dark haired woman was so tired of standing up and just wanted to lie down on the floor sleeping. As she had nothing else to do she was listening to the scientists conversing, and they leapt into the subject of brains. Funnily enough the old man speaking now was the one who had laid his disturbing eyes on her earlier.

“Well experimenting with the connection of brains seems futile; there are more pressing matters…”

This caught Katarina’s attention even more, as the man kept using his honeyed words to gain the others favor.

“That is a shortsighted excuse” she suddenly spoke up, gathering all of the attention, even Ruben glimpsed up with a drawn look in his eyes. “If it were possible to connect people to, uhm say a machine, the potential would be endless. If there could somehow be a source or host that would control or guide the ones connected, you could theoretically even investigate their individual memories and…”

“I don’t believe I addressed you, miss. You might have read something, but it really isn’t that easy” the man interrupted her and seemed resentful for her standing there speaking her mind.

“Don’t patronize me. I might not have as much experience as you do; but I still have a sense of curiosity and will left, unlike you. I have spent years on my education, if I had money I would do more with it than you do.”

The man looked even more upset as he dropped his fork. He glanced over toward Ruben, as if he expected him to intervene.

“Do you let your… servants talk to your guests like this? I can’t understand why you are still allowed in our faction.” The man stood up hastily. “Your father was an honorable man; you are a mere shadow in his footsteps. A spoiled brat trying to play scientist in his expensive mansion. Just because the others are blind doesn’t mean I will be.”

The man walked out from the hall and disappeared. Maybe he would pack his bags and leave, Katarina had no idea. She just hoped she hadn’t done something that would cause her to get fired, because there was no way she would apologize to such a man. Guessing he didn’t have anything to comment back to her so he went to attack Ruben instead. Katarina didn’t even know he had a father, nor did she know what this _‘faction’_ ,as he had said, really did.

“You all may be excused” Ruben suddenly said, just as the silence had lain upon the big hall. “Except you.”

He looked at Katarina who answered his glaring with a nod. The others stood up, and were surprisingly quiet as they retired to their designated rooms. As the door closed behind the last person the room fell silent. For some reason, Katarina felt nervous. She knew that what she had done was probably out of place, she just hoped he would scold her and not fire her. The silence however, just made her worry more.

“I’m surprised” Ruben suddenly killed the silence with, and stood up from his chair and walked toward her since she was standing with her back against the wall.

“Well I would apologize, but I don’t feel I did anything wrong” she said and was more evasive than her usual confident self.

“I didn’t say it was bad. In fact…” he stopped in front of her and she could notice a small smirk for a second on his lips. “I couldn’t stop thinking I wanted to shut him up the entire time.”

Katarina was about to reply as he raised his hand and took hold of her neck and pushed her back against the wall. Her heart was suddenly racing and she was lightly gasping for air through his hold, but surprising, even to her, was that she was not afraid.

“This isn’t some avid plan where you are in collusion with him, trying to deceive my better judgement is it?”

“Wow, no foreplay?” she said jokingly with the best of her efforts, and right after he released her. She coughed a few times and fell down on her knees. A few moments later she had been restored to her normal self. “Jesus fucking christ… I’m shocked you think that low of me. I would never have anything to do with any of them. Why are you so paranoid?”

As she stood back up he was hiding his shock, this woman was neither afraid of him nor stupid. It was the first time in his life he was dazzled by such confusion; he didn’t know how to act or what to do.

“I don’t get you” he said with a low tone, but she heard him even though she pretended not to. Whatever he meant, it was probably not something good. “I need to be alone a bit.”

As Ruben turned around and left the room, Katarina was left with a deviant feeling. This encounter had been scarier and more unexpected than she probably had shown. Her head was spinning, and instead of cleaning the dining hall she decided to ditch her priorities and go for a long shower. There was time to clean up later and there were more than enough bathrooms to spare her one where she could be alone for a little while. She had no expected the man to go violent, what did he mean with his accusations? Why on earth would she ever plan anything with those weird pretentious men and why would he ever even think of it?

As Ruben pondered over the dining hall incident, he felt a nagging thought of this… servant. There was something odd about her, he couldn’t get her to act the way he wanted and it put him off. Who was she? What was her story? He smashed his fist against the desk in protest to his thoughts. They were going haywire uncontrollably and he couldn’t focus on what was important at the moment. He decided another way of passing time…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the longest of chapters :( Some time got lost over the holidays and grinding Bloodborne, but hopefully back on track now! 
> 
> I read so many articles about neuroscience to learn more I can implement here in the story, but got confused with what sort of question I would use. Well anyway hope this chapter isn't too much of a blunder, finally some things are happening between our two antagonists (I don't think they suit protagonist? hehe) and soon more things will happen around them...  
> Thanks so much for all the support ♥


	4. Èffleurer

Katarina stepped out from the steaming hot shower and couldn’t even make up herself in the mirror through the steam. Only a few bathrooms had mirrors at all from what she had seen, which gave her a feeling that Ruben avoided them. Maybe it was due to the scarring beneath his bandages that made him not want to look at himself. Katarina couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to him, the fact that she might never know was undesirable. She reached out to the mirror and swiped away some of the steam with her hand and stared back at herself. Her reflection had changed from her normal state and she looked unnaturally tired, and even in the unflattering lightning in the bathroom she could see a vague bruise forming on her neck. Katarina knew that her reaction probably wasn’t normal, but she couldn’t help but feel intrigued rather than scared. Any other sane person would have run away; but she knew if it ever came down to it she could take care of herself. The woman continued with brushing her hair and getting dressed again, as she was originally supposed to stay in the mansion the entire weekend and she would fulfil her promise.

The man who had walked out from the dining hall still had his car parked outside of the mansion; however he was nowhere to be seen. When it was time for dinner neither the man nor Ruben was there and none of the others knew where they were. Katarina continued with her duties the following day, and suddenly Sunday arrived. When she arose from bed that morning, in one of the small guest rooms, she looked out the window and the car was gone. Guessing the man had finally returned home in the night. The room might not be huge, but she liked it and made sure when they were planning for the gathering that no one else would get it. It was one of the few places she felt a sense of calm. During the morning the scientists all started to leave and go home and she had duties of thanking them all for visiting. It felt as though she had been the hostess since the woman had spent more time with the guests than Ruben had done. Katarina closed the door as the final person left, and turned around looking out in the big empty hall. The sudden silence hit her and she took a deep breath when she could finally rest.

Evening fell and Katarina was getting ready to go home for the first time in a few days. As she was standing staring at her coat, she had a strange feeling creeping up on her. Instead of taking her jacket, she went back into the building and began searching for Ruben. It was unusual he was gone for such a long time. Downstairs was all empty from what she could see, and she continued upstairs into the library. From the library goes a long corridor with multiple doors on each sides, and she knew Rubens personal room was somewhere down here. She kept walking and opened each door and peaked inside. The woman reached the small sitting room after a few doors had passed, with a few bookshelves and a small table by the window. One of the shelves had been moved and this was unusual. Katarina took fast steps forward.

“Ruben?” She asked, while she peaked around the corner and saw that a black door with golden ornaments stood open behind the bookshelf. It was a big enough space for her to go through, and she reached a bright room with sterile white lights, some dirty bloody clothes and lots of medical tools. She did not have time to linger on the essence of the hidden room because Ruben was lying on the floor behind one of the counters, so without thinking more she ran toward him and leaned forward. His eyes were closed and his body was slightly cold, however when she put her hand on his neck she could feel that he was breathing. It was a relief he was alive but his heart rate was worryingly slow.

“Ruben? Can you hear me?” He looked so peaceful and not as angry as he did normally, and Katarina didn’t even hesitate when she put her hand on his cheek. When she realized what she was doing she quickly pulled her hand back and didn’t know what to do. Should she call Tatiana for help or should she try and give him CPR. A worry that she had forgotten how to do it was in the back of her head but she shrugged it off and took a deep breath once more. She leaned in closer and pushed air in as her lips touched his. She did it three times, and when she pulled her head back on the third try she noticed his eyes were now open. Katarina froze and felt embarrassed, but there was no way she would show it.

“Are you okay?” She said and looked away from his gaze trying to give the impression like she was never worried at all.

“No” he said in a low voice and tried to sit up, but couldn’t quite until Katarina took a hold and helped him up.

“What happened?”

Ruben sat silent for a few seconds and held up his hand on his head like it was hurting.

“Guess I forgot to eat again.”

“Well, when did you last eat?”

“I don’t know” he replied and then tried to stand up but had to keep his hand on the counter, and when he released his hand he almost fell over and Katarina quickly took a grip on him to keep him from falling. She took his arm around her neck so she could support him, and his entire body was leaning right next to her. It felt sort of weird being this close and intimate to someone, and Ruben felt his own heart rate increase slightly. He couldn’t quite name this feeling, but it was probably something stupid. Just something that would distract him. Katarina could feel him flinch slightly when her hand accidentally touched his when she was trying to adjust her grip. He felt the warmth of her soft skin as they touched and he could feel her sweet flowery scent from her clean hair.

“You’re cold” she said and tried to take a step forward with him. “Come, I’ll make you something to eat.”

Katarina was prepared for him trying to walk by himself or saying he didn’t want food and be his grump usual self, but surprisingly he didn’t say anything at all and willingly went with her. In the kitchen she led him toward one of the barstools opposite to the stove, where she afterwards took place. As usual the fridge lacked a lot of ingredients, but she scraped up what she could find and managed to get enough to at least make some pancakes. He sat silently and looked out the window, and only when she looked down did he turn his eyes at her. Ruben didn’t know why, but his eyes sort of got stuck there for a bit. Later she turned one of the pancakes and she looked back up at him and for a fragment in time their eyes met. There was a tension in the room that both denied to themselves, a tingling sensation spreading in their bodies and hearts beating faster. Ruben was still suspicious, trusting people was a waste of time, or so he had always claimed, but for some reason he couldn’t quite turn her down when she did things like this. Katarina put a plate before him.

“It probably doesn’t contain enough nutrients, but there isn’t really anything else to cook with here…” She looked at him as he slowly took a hold of his fork. “I’m assuming this has happened before, hence you said _again_.”

Ruben slowly took a piece of the pancake and felt a bit naked sitting there and eating in front of someone. At least he knew it wasn’t poisoned or anything weird because he had watched the entire time.

“Maybe it has” he irreverently said and this time when he looked up with his cold gaze it froze on her eyes, and for a moment they once again stared silently at each other.

“Well, fine by me if you want to be all mysterious about it but no need to be rude. Did it taste okay? I’m not great at cooking.”

He didn’t reply but nodded slightly and kept eating his food. She turned around and begun to clean the dishes. Ruben watched her as she did it, and one of her stray hairs kept falling forward to her face so she pulled it behind her ear several times. After a few times it looked a bit amusing as it kept on happening. The silence was broken by the sound of a mushed whistling coming from the woman. He could not quite recall the song or anything alike, but somehow it was nice listening to it. Even though she was doing something as futile and dull as the dishes she still made it seem like such an important task done with care. Katarina looked over as he finished eating and his eyes were looking filled more with life than before, and for a split-second he almost seemed content before returning to his normal look. He didn’t say anything but she still had a feeling that somewhere he was grateful.

“It’s late, let’s get you to bed. I’ll help you” she said and walked around the counter and took hold of his arm and put it around her shoulder so she could help him walk to his room.

She had merely been in his room, he had asked that she only cleaned it every second week and not as often as the other rooms, but she also knew that it was a long walk from the kitchen in this huge mansion and there was no way he was capable of walking there alone. Had he been capable, she had a feeling he would have shrugged her off and walked alone instead; he just seemed like that kind of person. The room was pretty big and was on the second floor, from the windows you could see the backyard and plentiful of trees. The moonlight was ascending over the treetops as she walked with him toward the bed close to the windows. First time she saw it she had been surprised over how big and grand it looked, following the Gothic-Victorian-theme of the building. She helped him sit down on the edge of the bed and then let go of his arm.

“Do you want anything else?”

He shook his head and was so exhausted he simply lay down on the bed without undressing. Ruben turned to the side slightly and closed his eyes. Soon Katarina walked forward and pulled up the duvet over him. She wasn’t sure, but it seemed like he already had fallen asleep. It wouldn’t surprise her though he surely would need rest after such an event. He breathed lightly and looked calmer than she had ever seen him, and after a few seconds she walked back out from the room to let the man rest in peace.

The next day Ruben woke up after a calm night’s sleep, and to his surprise time was already passed 10 am. He usually woke up early from nightmares or other physical pains. He sat up in bed and a tray on his bedside table caught his attention. It contained bread, which seemed freshly baked, a cup of tea and other small breakfast things. A note was attached with it and he unfolded it. _“_ _Hope you like this / K_ _”_ it said. Ruben just looked at the note for a bit before he carefully folded it again and tucked it into his pocket without really thinking about it. He had slept in his clothes again; he would need to change before continuing his work. As always when he discovered something vital within his science he became so immersed in it that everything else was put aside, even food usually. He grabbed a bite of the bread which was fresh and soft, and even slightly warm still, and it was the first time Ruben actually ate some freshly made food with the exception of the night before. Perhaps this was simply a way to gain his favour and make him spill his guts? Rubens paranoid thoughts awoke in his mind again. He had to be sure he knew that this wasn’t any of their tricks as well, so he dialed up the number to Tatiana.

Katarina took upon herself to go shopping earlier in the morning so she could actually prepare some real food for once. She didn’t have a lot of money but she still used her own to buy food this once so it would be a surprise for the man. At first it didn’t seem like it but he had a lot of baggage and she thought perhaps a selfless act like this would be something positive in the midst of things. Katarina returned to her duties as normal after she had sneaked into his room and planted the tray with all the food. She had even made homemade bread when she came back from shopping and was only lucky that he was still asleep when she was done. The day rolled along as any other normal day, and when Katarina was just leaving to go home a car pulled up at the driveway and it was not her cab. Tatiana stepped out of the car and came forward to her.

“Hello Kat,” she said in her normal monotone tone and had a slight smile. “Are you off?”

“Yeah, are you here for…for…” Katarina stumbled forward and remembered the journal where it said house visits would be made, and perhaps this was it? “Why are you here?”

“Oh maybe I forgot to tell you, but I’m Rubens doctor, I come here time to time” she said. “Today he just asked me to come by for some reason. Well I better get going, talk to you later.”

“Bye” Katarina replied as her cab rolled up, her curiousness grew for what reason he wanted Tatiana to come on this day especially, but perhaps it was due to his lack of food and faintness the other day.

Tatiana shower herself in, she had visited the mansion a lot of times and knew her way around it. She had been there even before the accident that fell upon the Victoriano-family. She walked up and got to Rubens working room where he usually sat and like always she found him with his head deep in another one of his books, looking more distraught than usual however.

“Ruben” she said and sat down in front of the desk with him on the other end. “So, how are things?”

“Did you know that your brain cells make memories of everything you learn by breaking its own DNA, eventually forcing the neurons to repair it,” Ruben began and looked up at the woman. “And as we age we lose the ability to repair these breaks.”

“No I did not know that. I’m pretty sure that’s not why you called me over here however. Did something happen? Are your wounds okay?”

Ruben stood up from his chair and walked to the side and thought to himself for a second, he had forgotten to change his bandages in too long besides eating, but this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.

“No, you’re right” he said. “She, how do you know her?”

“Who?”

“She, the cleaner. _Katarina_.” He spoke shortly and tried to seem as normal as he possibly could, because he for some reason felt he had to or Tatiana would think something weird was going on.

“Well since you ask… If you remember I worked with the contact and handling of foster care children and young adults for a while, and that’s how I met her. I guess you are wondering if you can trust her, and yes I would say so. She doesn’t have a family either, which is one of the points where you two are alike. Also Ruben, if I didn’t trust her I wouldn’t recommend this job to her.”

Ruben was going to deny her assumption about trusting Katarina but he knew it was no use since Tatiana knew she was right. The nurse had known him for so many years that he couldn’t fool her with his tricks and change of subjects, she could guess what he was actually thinking.

“I guess you have a fair point” he said and walked to the other side of the room, pondering over the thoughts he couldn’t get rid of in his head. “I need to ask you a favour.”

Katarina fell down on her couch as soon as she got back home. Being in the flat felt strange, like something was missing, or perhaps it was the movement outside that she had become unused to living in the mansion. Cars were driving, honking and the neighbours occasionally made their sounds as well. Working all these extra hours was good for her economics however, if she kept it up she would afford to finally finish her studies sooner or later. The woman made some tea and decided to bring out her books from school so she could read them and learn them even more. Time slipped away and three hours had passed and she hadn’t even done anything useful besides reading. Katarina was awoken by the sound of her doorbell. Silently she walked forward and opened the door slightly. The woman froze in place when she realised it was Ruben. He was elegantly dressed as usual and stood there with his head held high. Katarina still had her working clothes on and her hair was a mess and that all came in her mind as soon as she saw him.

“Ruben? Wha… what are you doing here?”

His eyes were carefully watching her as he took a step forward and without asking for permission he simply continued into the flat.

“You know you usually ask before entering someone’s home,” Katarina said as she closed the door behind him and looked at his back. “So…?”

“Why do you live in this dump” she could hear him say and she walked up and stood next to him so she could see him.

“Well not all are born rich like yourself,” she said and took another step so she was exactly in front of him, so he was force to look at her instead of gazing over the room. “Don’t you know it’s rude to just enter here and then start commentating?”

“You shouldn’t live here” he said and kept eye-contact the entire time and he walked closer to her. Katarina backed up against the wall and he stopped just right in front of her. Ruben was standing so close that she could even feel warmth emit from his body onto hers, and her heart felt like it was held in someone’s grasp.

“Maybe I want to” she said with confidence, and wanted to show that she was not scared of his tries to be intimidating. “And it’s not like I have much of a choice. Why are you here? You don’t scare me, what is it you want? Just a general nuisance?”

Ruben was silent. He didn’t even know why he was here himself and he couldn’t even come up with any logical excuse that sounded believable. He had just felt unable to focus and wanted to blame Katarina for that, maybe even crush the essence of her existence. But being there and looking at her, it only brought calm in his mind that he hadn’t felt since way before his sister died. The woman was just about to open her mouth and say something as he had not replied, when she was taken by surprise as Ruben held up his hand as he was going to hit her, but instead of continuing doing that he suddenly leaned in and their lips swiftly met. Katarina could feel her entire body stiffen from the startle. His face had its right side covered by bandages but his eyes, lips and nose were not covered. She couldn’t quite tell what it was but he had a nice scent about him. Just as she caught herself thinking that, she pulled up her hands and pushed him back.

“What the fuck was that?”

Ruben felt flustered, this woman surely never reacted the way he had thought she would. He didn’t come here with a real plan, and now he didn’t know himself what he was doing, though he would never admit to that. With some help from Tatiana he had been able to look up who the owner of the building was and had a hidden plan to bribe him so eventually Katarina would be force to move out, and without no other place to turn he could assist in the matter. He didn’t quite know why, but perhaps having her near was a good idea. _This guy really… Just because he is rich he thinks he can get everything he wants easily_ , Katarina thought and raised her eyebrow. But she would not be that easy. She wasn’t just a plaything; maybe he did this all the time, who really knew.

“If you don’t fear me, I hope to learn what you fear.”

Their eyes met for a moment before he decided to walk out from the flat. Silent from confusion the woman just watched as Ruben disappeared. Katarina had been working at the mansion for some time, and it had been calm before this sudden plethora of events that had occurred in such a short time.

“Well… this was interesting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know I'm not too satisfied with how this chapter turned out... I couldn't quite decide on a few things, but hope it will be fine anyway :( Sorry if it's not. I'll try and make the next chapter more interesting (I always say that...?) xd 
> 
>  
> 
> But thanks for all the support, it really makes this a lot more fun and motivational to write! ♥ 
> 
>  
> 
> Next time we will see Ruben still acting weird but the two find something they share, Katarina will discover something informational and maybe a guest will appear... :)


	5. Winter storm

The following morning Katarina was lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling. Only the night before had she received her first kiss and she was pondering over this futile fact. Though it really had not been a big deal, she still did not understand why he came over to her place in the first time. Did he like her? There was no way; he never showed that he cared more for her than a fly on the ground. Most likely he just seemed to be anti-social but actually he did these sorts of things all the time. Humans, all so volatile, insignificant and expendable. Katarina had never been in love, she just felt resentment toward most humans she had encountered. Why waste time on them if she didn’t get anything out from it? Even when she was studying before she was only charming and nice if she wanted to. It was like a game, being a chameleon of false emotions and mimicking others, because underneath it all she concealed the fact that she didn’t understand. Anything of it. The ceiling was spinning in circles as she didn’t even feel like she existed for a moment, like she was floating above everything. Maybe she was still asleep and it was all a lucid dream, but nevertheless her phone vibrations brought her back to the living. She tumbled over to the side of the bed and grabbed her phone. It must have been early when she awoke, if the alarm didn’t sound until now. It still felt like hadn’t slept anything at all.

Katarina arrived at the mansion in normal order later in the morning, and the sun was beginning to rise. Autumn was coming to an end, and the weather was getting colder. It was just a guess when the first snow would fall. The woman entered the mansion and as always began doing what she was supposed to do. Her mind was occupied with what the scientist, no _Ruben_ , was doing. During the course of the day she still had not caught glimpse of him. Monday to Thursday passed quickly, and the few times the two of them met during the week they passed each other and it was obvious Ruben was trying to avoid meeting her gaze. This came quite amusing, either he was simply embarrassed or perhaps he only spent effort when he wanted something, that’s usually how people were functioning.

It was Friday and Katarina had just finished her boxed lunch she had brought. By now others would probably complain that being alone this much and doing the same thing over and over would be tedious; but not for her. She usually brought some of her neuroscience books and listened to some music, and that was sometimes enough. Boredom was different than to other people, or so she had found out. A hushed creak was heard from outside as the trees outside from the kitchen had started swaying. Rain was pattering against the window since early noon and now it had slowly begun to turn to snow. Katarina walked forward to the window and looked out. Frail little snowflakes were slowly descending down on the ground mixed with rain drops. The ground was cold enough for them not to melt and layered upon each other instead, until they began to wither into water. Breakfast had been left outside of Rubens room each morning, she felt at least compiled to do so for the man. It had become a sort of habit and seeing that the tray was left empty each time just made it feel it was worth something. Katarina could have sworn she knew where she found him when he had collapsed, but that room wasn’t there anymore. Perhaps he was paranoid enough to have hidden rooms, but most likely it was only her memory failing. She would much rather stay in the kitchen and read the rest of the day but it would surely be noticed if she simply did nothing for prolonged intervals.

Ruben had in one of his secret locked-rooms dissected the brain of the scientist who the servant girl, Katarina, had started talking against. Her sudden interest in the manner had been of much amazement, but as Tatiana later had shown in her folder she had been studying subjects alike. The old man was still alive and was lying strapped onto a bench. His tongue had been placed in a separate glass bottle, with a see-through liquid, placed to the right of his head. The sedative that was used had been created by Ruben himself, to ensure that the subject felt as much pain as possible while still being unable for action. The old man was moaning slightly from time to time and this was only a pleasure to listen to. Ruben was about to take out one of his newly written notes about connecting separate people’s consciousness out of his pocked when the folded note Katarina had written almost a week back fell out. He carefully took it up and read it for himself again. This diverted his attention from what he was actually doing, and not even the pleasuring sounds of painful squirms could ease his mind. Ruben had thought about capturing her and killing her several times, he imagined the process but as soon as it came to her death he froze. Not even in his mind could he see it, and it bothered him. She was different. Somehow he felt as he was looking at a mirror when he looked into her eyes, it was something he had not experience before. Her gaze was empty on the surface, he could see through her faked smiles. The wood in the building was creaking. There are no windows in the room Ruben was standing in, but from the sound it must be awfully windy outside.

The weather situation did not improve over the day and the rain had kept falling at extreme amounts. Even the mansions lawn was drenched in the excess water. Katarina was fumbling with her phone to catch up on the news about it when the cab had not arrived in 15 minutes due time, and it was as she had thought. _All traffic has been cancelled and the main roads have shut down due to flooding. Those affected are asked to stay in-doors until the roads are opened again. We will keep track of the weather with updates every 15 minutes._

“Oh come on” she sighed, and was too tired for this to happen.

Friday again and she was undeniable stuck in the Victoriano-mansion. She took off her jacket and hung it back with a yawn. Where was Ruben anyway? Perhaps this notion had not reached him. She walked on the lower floor and went into the open room with the grand dark wooden piano. A gentle caress over the ivories of the piano and a sound was heard. Katarina didn’t really know how to play the piano nor could she read notes, she only remembered one song she had to learn and perform in school to get a grade in music. It was called “Stay With Me” by Clint Mansell, originally done for a film score. To replicate the song entirely she would need more than just a piano but she remembered the background notes she was playing and started repeating them on the piano. Ruben came down the stairs and heard the piano to his surprise; he thought the woman had already left, but he hoped it was her and not a stupid apparition. When he first returned from the hospital he swore he could still hear his sister sometimes, it wasn’t quite clear that she wasn’t there for him. It was not anything unnatural, he had just imagined it all along and deep inside he knew it hadn’t been real but at the time it had been a comfort. Inquisitively he walked to the room where the piano was situated and watched her for a few seconds while standing in the doorway.

“Are you not a woman of multiple hobbies,” he said and took a step into the room, which did not make her stop playing. “playing the piano and all?”

“I can’t really play anymore” she said and tried to get past one part but ended up doing the same mistake over and over. “See.”

Ruben walked over to the wall next to the piano and leaned back on it and looked at the piano a bit.

“You’re right, you can’t” he said with a small smirk. “Bet I’m better than you at that too.”

“You mean playing the piano? I suppose, but not on anything else, that I am sure of. And also I can not agree to something I have not heard. So play something, or _I win_.”

Ruben raised his eyebrows in curiousness and lifted his shoulder in a shrug.

“Fine” he then said and walked forward. Katarina hopped in on the seat so he could sit down next to her. “Aren’t you going to move?”

“Nah, I better supervise so you don’t try any tricks” she said, enjoying making him uncomfortable. It was a bit charming that he sat down and pretended like he didn’t mind having her there, when she could sense that he did.

Swiftly Rubens fingers began to dance over the piano and the classical tunes of “Clair de Lune” by Claude Debussy was recognized. Katarina had heard this song many times, but never been able to play it. Katarina never guessed he would have a talent for music, so she was surprised he could play it this well, it sounded exactly like the original song. The woman looked up at his concentrated face when he was playing and lost herself there, it almost felt like time stopped as the song went on. As if this was infinity, all that mattered. After regaining her senses and the song ended, an inner hole of emptiness was once again formed. It was always there, reminding itself of its existence. Words were confusing and futile; music on the other hand was actually understandable.

“Wow, I might have to admit to defeat. _This once_ ” she said a few seconds after he stopped playing, and she was still in awe from what she had heard. He almost looked proud when she said that, and it almost looked _cute_. She couldn’t understand that she really thought that but kept on as normal. “The roads are closed. I can’t get home.”

“I see” he said and stood back up from the piano bench and turned around facing her. “The rain is ceaseless it seems. Well it’s not like you haven’t stayed here before.”

“Guess I don’t have much of a choice” she said and closed the lid to the piano. “So what should we do?”

“…we?” Ruben replied with a low tone accompanied with a dreary look, which would be enough to scare off any sane person.

“I’m stuck here, I’m not working now.”

“…So?”

Katarina’s lips formed a small smirk and she stood up and stretched her arms out, which made her body curves more prominent. Ruben was eyeing over the inches of her body and then hastily looked at the side.

“So, I’d say you are obligated to take care of your guest.”

“I have things to do, things that someone like you would only get in the way off. So don’t bother me.”

The man was about to turn around and leave the room but as soon as Katarina caught upon his movement she rushed forward and blocked his path. He was looking even more bothered than before, almost like his anger was throbbing inside of him and he was getting tense even out to the fingertips.

“Hit me,” the woman said and looked more serious and determined than she had ever appeared in front of him before.

Ruben pushed her back to the wall and some of his bandage on his left hand fell off and exposed the burnt skin. He held his arm on her throat so she would stay pinned against the wall, but she didn’t do much to fight back. His strength was surprising for a man who looked fairly emaciated just a week back and probably did not spend his free time exercising.

“Such tendencies for violence,” she began and her eyes were filled with a ravenous look as they stared into his. “…why are you so angry?”

He released his grip of her, and felt no need to fulfil her wish. She was acting strange, and it was out of the ordinary, he didn’t quite know how to handle it. The worry for doing something silly as he did when he had visited her flat made him use an excuse and hurry away to his own study. Katarina was left with a sense of derealisation, like a stranger was acting out through her. It could also be the real her that shined through her concealment, but at this moment she was unsure. But she was sure that Ruben was a part of bringing it forward.

The sun had begun to kiss the ground in the horizon and not too long afterwards the last bit of light disappeared. Sunlight hadn’t shined through the entire day due to the heavy clouds, but at least it had made it slightly brighter. Complete darkness. Complete isolation from everything else in this desolate mansion. Complete loneliness. As the darkness grew closer, so did the storm. A forceful rumbling was heard in the distant. Ruben had been sitting in his office trying to work, whilst mostly staring at the wall, for a few hours. Contemplating whether he should continue with “work” or not had been on his mind for at least the past hour. It was almost as he felt guilt toward the woman, leaving her whilst she was stranded and stuck in this mansion but at the same time he did not lie when he claimed she would just be in the way if he tried to do his science. At the same time he found it difficult to focus as his mind was occupied by the thought of her, no matter if she was there or not. It was agitating, he was mostly avoiding other people and the few he met were distasteful at best, so why did this have to leave such an impatient longing inside of him? There was nothing another person could give him that he could not do himself. He did not need closeness; in fact he did not need anybody. Or at least, so he told himself.

Ruben was brought back from his thoughts as everything turned black in an instant. Not a single shimmer of light was seen throughout the mansion as the power had completely died and there were no lights from outside here in the woods either. The scientist fumbled forward through the darkness in his office room and snatched a package of matches. Ever since the accident he had been avoiding _fire_ at all costs, but now there was no helping it. Navigating the corridors without any light wasn’t easy, but Ruben knew he had to turn left and find the next room to get a hold of some candles. There he found a candelabrum with four separate candle holders, and he lit them up and carried it with him. There was no way he would leave any candle unsupervised either, if there was something he had grown to detest it was fire. He could almost feel the agonizing torment of the accident where he was burned when he stared into the flames. The man walked out from the room once again and this time he was determined to see where Katarina was, it seemed only logical as the power was out. Slowly his steps carried him forward and he began with checking the rooms he knew she most frequently visited, but with no luck he turned to the other rooms. Time passed quicker than imagined, as vision was very limited and everything used more time than usually. A sound was heard and Ruben stopped instantly. It came from behind him. He had recently passed one of the smaller storage rooms, and it was the only way the sound could have come from, guessing it hadn’t been the wind that is. With a rapid movement he opened the door and peeked inside, and as he held the candles in front to show light he noticed movement in a corner. Releasing the door and walking forward, he saw a foot sticking forward and as he stepped forward with the candle it took shape of a… woman. Katarina was sitting with her knees pulled up toward her face, and to his surprise she looked genuinely distressed and it made him feel staggered. Usually the woman was fierce and confident; this was the complete opposite from the looks of it.

“What are you doing here?” he said and looked down at her, and as she looked back up it almost seemed like she had been so out of she had not noticed when he entered the room.

“I… I… I just fucking hate storms, okay” she said and leaned her head on one of her knees. “It’s… I don’t know…”

The tone of her voice was low and almost modest.

“So… what do you usually do when it’s bad weather?” he inquisitively asked.

“I lay in bed… with my stuffed cuddly pig… and listen to loud music… I swear to… something, I will kill you if you make fun of me now.”

The man sat down on the floor next to her and put the candelabrum in front of them on the floor so it would illuminate their surroundings.

“You idiot” he mumbled quietly and looked the other way as he put his left arm around her neck in comfort. “Is that why you are hiding in here?”

“Yes, there are no windows here” she said and leaned a bit on his arm and felt comfort in the fact that he was there beside her, even if she didn’t know why.

“Hey Ruben,” Katarina said as the silence was broken after they had been sitting there beside each other for a bit. “Do you like me?” The sudden question took Ruben by surprise, but he only shrugged it off outwards.

“No.”

Katarina was unsure if she was inclined to believe him, but she did not want to argue as the matter seemed to bring hurt to her otherwise untouchable heart. There was no way she would be swooned by this man and his simple yet probably selfish gestures; she had not thought it would be so easy. Ruben did not know why he had answered the way he did, but for some reason he did it out of worry for the woman. If he were to admit that somewhere a light was stirred inside of him that had never been there, not even when his sister was still alive, due to this person next to him it would only bring harm to the both of them. Not only was he covered in third degree burns underneath the bandages, but also could he never let her leave if she found out what kind of human he actually was. It would be too much of a risk.

“So… how did you get your wounds?” The woman suddenly changed subject; this time being straight-forward about another completely different topic.

Ruben hesitated but after looking at her for a few seconds he looked away and sighed, yet his arm was still embracing her. “There was a fire.”

“Can you ever take them off? The bandages?”

“You don’t want to see that, trust me.”

“I don’t trust you. If you show me, I will show you something.”

Ruben couldn’t deny he was curious what the woman was talking about, but decided to show that he declined by asking whether they should try and make their way to the kitchen through the dark halls and find something edible. Being afraid of storms was surely nothing he had imagined Katarina to be; she always had a sense of being completely fearless every other time they passed ways. The woman agreed to go and make something to eat and stood up. The man was holding the candles and started to walk, but then realised that Katarina was still peeking out from the room.

“What?” he bluntly spurted out.

“I can still hear the thunder” she said, and had diminished into this modest being completely different toward the one he had just spoken to. To solve the issue Ruben took hasty steps toward her and without saying a word he grabbed a firm hold of her left hand and dragged her along. He could feel her walking tightly behind him, and he just tried to be cool about it, but every time she was close he was worried that perhaps she would notice how much of an impact it really had on him. The pair reached the kitchen, and began to light several candles so they could make out the entirety of the room. Without electricity there wasn’t much to cook, so they ended up eating mostly snacks of different origins. In the cupboard Katarina found some wine bottles and demanded they drank it; and this time Ruben knew he had nothing else to do so he went along with it. Any other given time he would have turned it down since he wasn’t very fond of alcohol, it only had negative effects on thinking, acting and the brain in general, but this time he felt inclined to accept. Together they filled one glass each and drank it, and soon enough after a few glasses they found themselves discussing neuroscience rather than futile things as architecture earlier. Ruben had known from Tatianas paper, and simply guessed from earlier statements, that the woman indeed had interest in it. He was intrigued, perhaps he was wrong and she _would_ understand why he did things, it was for science. As he got caught thinking this he simply stared at Katarina, and didn’t even realise he was doing it. Feeling intoxicated and alive, it almost looked as if he smiled for a moment.

“Have you done this before,” Katarina suddenly said as they were still in the kitchen surrounded by different candles. “Having people work here, _girls_ …”

“What are you insinuating” Ruben quickly interrupted her. “People have worked here before, some only came once and most disappeared within a month. Claiming the mansion felt haunted and other delirious nonsense. Some _never left_.”

Katarina raised one of her eyebrows in curiousity. “Never left, huh? Did you chain them in your cellar or what,” she giggled and seemed to not take it seriously.

“Obviously.” A small smirk could be detected on his lips and the candle flame was reflecting in his eyes. Katarina wasn’t used to this feeling; she had never liked people. No friends, no family, no nothing. Tatiana had been the few of her contacts from time to time, along with teachers of school and such but it was never even close to this. A few guys had tried to hit on her a few times during her lifespan, but they were shallow, idiotic and inferior in every way. Ruben was the only person she had come to find on her level, in a strange way. The wine was disappearing, and the hours kept going without them understanding it. Katarina asked if he had ever performed research on living things, and as he deviated from answering clearly she began to spoke on secret experiments she had done on animals as a child. It had been very interesting, a lot more than playing with the next door neighbour kid, and from then her interest in particularly neuroscience had grown tremendously. In comfort, Ruben accidentally spilled the fact that he had indeed also done experiments of the animal kind, and even to a human extent. No fear was seen in her eyes, instead they seemed to glister of interest as he briefly mentioned it. The house still had no electricity and the storm was still going strong as the night crept closer. Midnight had passed long ago and Katarina started yawning.

“Man, alcohol makes me so tired” Katarina said and drank the last little bit of wine left in the glass, and in the meantime Ruben leaned forward to rest his head on the table. He could even then feel his head spin a little bit. He was aware that he could not drink more, as his malnourished body will be too greatly affected, if it was not already too late.

“I wanna sleep” she said, but as he didn’t move she walked to the other side of the table and helped him up. It almost seemed as if he was half asleep and could hardly keep his head straight when they stood up, and so his head accidentally fell to the side and touched hers. The path was lightly illuminated by the burning candles Katarina was holding, as they slowly made way to the second floor. Upon reaching the second floor she led the man forward to his room and helped him lay down on the bed, almost like she had done when he had passed out. Katarina gently stroked her hand over his head and smiled for herself, the alcohol was making her giggle as always. She carefully placed the duvet on him and took the candles so she could hopefully find her way to the room she normally stayed in. The storm somehow felt less frightening as she was gazing out the window and in the darkness all that you could see was a lightning strike. A sudden emptiness erupted inside her and she fell down on the big bed. This usually happened when she had alcohol, either she was happy or she was extremely sad.

A few hours upon arrival to his bedroom, Ruben awoke still intoxicated and turned around in his bed. This time he really was half-asleep but somehow in his slumber took steps in the darkness to find Katarinas room. He guessed but she usually stayed in the same room so that’s where he went. With all of his clothes still on he just walked into her room and laid down in bed next to her and put his arm around her, like it was the most natural thing to do. Katarina was sure she was imagining for the longest of time, but then she grasped that he was actually there, for real. She took hold of his hand and held it tightly and even through the infinite sadness inside her, she was able to calmly fall asleep. Ruben pretended to be asleep, but he was in reality looking at the back of her head and feeling the sweet scent from her hair while his head was still terribly groggy. It felt like the veil in front of her had disappeared and he could finally see her clear, _every single bit of her_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm never ever pleased with anything T_T I'm sorry all.   
> I'm rubbish :( thanks for even looking at the story!
> 
>  
> 
> Well this isn't a normal romance-story, more gruesome things will take place and the denial between the two will become more difficult to manage as time goes on... 
> 
> Soon the two will also wake darker feelings inside each other :>


	6. Amygdala

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter sucks... I have re-written it several times and can't really get that feeling that I wanted it to have... T_T   
> So I'm sorry :/ hopefully the next one will be better and have more plot involved. 
> 
> Thank you so much for even reading however, I'm still surprised at the nice comments and many kudos! ♥ 
> 
>  
> 
> Let's make Kats and Rubens adventure even more interesting and chilling... :)

> _I let you breathe in this emptiness_   
>  _See me as I am_   
>  _You know the answer_   
>  _Long before it's given_
> 
> _You are the only one_   
>  _You are the only one_   
>  _You are the only one_   
>  _Who can erase this_   
>  _You are the only one_   
>  _You are the only one_   
>  _You are the only one_   
>  _Who can erase this now_
> 
> _The sun, the sea, the sky_   
>  _The loneliness, the why_   
>  _The fear of losing everything_   
>  _In a goodbye_   
>  _The colors in the air_   
>  _The hollowness, a tear_   
>  _The depths of your mistakes_   
>  _Are drawing near_
> 
>  
> 
> _/ Zeromancer - Mint_

 

 

On the following morning Ruben felt even worse, it must have been due to all the alcohol his body was not used to. His sleep had been heavier than usual, yet his body still felt so weak. Katarina had left an empty spot in the bed beside him, and she wasn’t anywhere to be seen in the room. For a moment he stared at the pillow shaped after her head as she had been laying on it, and then with a sigh he stood up and felt his head pounder of pain. Still wearing his clothes, which had made him feel uncomfortable several times through the night, he walked out into the corridor and searched for Katarina. He didn’t have a special reason as to why, it just felt like something he should do.

Katarina hated stereotypes, especially those that included all women being good in the kitchen, and maybe it was also a reason she never even wanted to learn cooking. Nevertheless she had made blueberry pancakes, and was quite proud of this achievement. She still wasn’t sure what to think about Ruben, and it was in the back of her head. Should she even stay here? It felt inevitable that she would drag him into her world of emptiness, and at the same time she was scared. There was a longing, but she was also so afraid to show it. To show the few feelings she did possess, it would make her so naked. In the midst of her thinking Ruben took a step into the kitchen and looked at her.

“Oh, did you know,” Katarina said quickly, and reached for a plate with a few pancakes and handed to him. “That there are blueberry bushes in the backyard here? Those are a rare sight, but I know them. If it was summer I could have made these with fresh berries.”

“I’m not hungry” he said and didn’t even lift his hand to show his rejection, and simply slid down onto the chair.

“Well you need to eat even if you feel ill, you’re probably hungover” she said and put down the plate on the table. “And this took ages to make, so eat it or I will kick your ass.”

Ruben had a small smirk on his face as he grabbed the fork and began to eat slowly. Katarina went and stood by the window with the back turned against him. The electricity had come back sometime this morning and being unable to sleep she had gone for a short walk in the nature after the storm. Some trees had fallen over and it was a mess, but the air was always so fresh after a real storm. Ruben looked over at her a few times when eating small pieces of his food, but they were both quiet. He imagined gently strangling her, leaving little mark on her silky skin, and in turn he could keep her forever without having to be afraid of her leaving. He didn’t know why his thoughts were always filled with violence, he just couldn’t help it. Katarina spaced out in her own mind not knowing what he was thinking, wishing she could just run over to Ruben and hug him, because without him it all felt so empty, but she hated feeling like that for someone else. Someone unreliable. Without hearing his steps she turned around and he was right behind her, so she was shocked. He leaned forward and she almost thought he was going to kiss her but then he simply put his plate in the sink and walked away.

“Wait” she said and grabbed a hold of his shirt, all rugged now from him sleeping in it. “Ruben… I… I need to go home earlier today.” She didn’t have the guts to ask the first thing, so she made an excuse with something else.

“How so?”

“My landlord called this morning and told me my latest payment was denied, so I need to go to my bank and see what the problem is… I know I had enough, I don’t know what happened…” She let go of his shirt after realizing she still held onto it.

“I’ll take you” he said and started walking out from the kitchen. “Ten minutes.”

Ruben didn’t even bother to pretend he was shocked, because he knew what it all was about. Katarina took his offer of giving her a lift to the bank in the city, and waited in the entrance hall ten minutes later. There was still a few clouds left outside, but the sun was beginning to shine through. When Ruben joined her in the hall he had changed his clothes. Without saying anything he opened the front door and walked to the garage on the side of the building. It struck her that this was the first time she would actually see his car. It was a black regular Audi, and she jumped in beside him as he took place behind the steering wheel. The car rolled out from the Victoriano-premises and continued out to the main road.

“You’re awfully quiet today” Katarina suddenly said and broke the silence.

“Huh, why would I speak if I have nothing to say?”

Katarina took a deep breath and looked at him whilst he was concentrating on the road.

“Ruben” she began and sounded suddenly severe in tone. “…what are _we_?”

Immediately after saying it Katarina regretted it, and just felt like jumping out from the car in full speed. Ruben didn’t want to say anything too special, what if this was just a passing feeling he had? What if it turned out to be nothing? What if he just wanted to see a beautiful person _die_? He felt unsure, and he couldn’t be sure that his mind wasn’t tricking him when he thought he _liked_ her.

“You’re my employee. We simply work in the same building.”

Seeing the pain in Katarinas glance felt like a stab wound in his own, but he was convinced it was just the side-effect from drinking the night before in his already weak body. He knew he shouldn’t really be driving, but did so anyway.

“Is that all?”

“Mm.” Doing the right thing had never felt more wrong. Had he been honest his answer would have been very different. It wasn’t that easy. He had blood on his hands. The life of several people had been ended by him, some because he wanted them to and others because he wanted to conduct scientific procedures on them. Normally he wouldn’t care, but he felt a worry for her safety if they got closer to each other. Probably he wouldn’t hurt her himself, but there were other things… The car pulled up at a taxi spot beside the road.

“Bye” Katarina said coldly and left the car, and started walking toward the bank nearby. Ruben watched her as she went into the office, and only then did he drive away. It didn’t feel right. He didn’t even feel interested in continuing his experiments this day either, and just went back and forced himself to get busy with something, _anything_.

The line was finally coming to Katarinas turn at the bank, and she got to speak to a man that worked there.

“Hello miss… oh, Kat?” The man seemed to know her, and it took a while before she recognized the man from one of the orphanages she had spent a few years in as a teenager. They didn’t talk that much during that time apart from a few times, but she remembered he had been quite annoying in her eyes.

“Martin? It’s been a few years” she said and sat down in front of his work station. “So, you work here now?”

“I sure do! Well I only started like three months ago. So did you study neuroscience after all?”

“I did yes” she said and forced a smile back to his friendly looking face.

“So what can I help you with today, Kat?” He said with a smile and took some papers out from a folder.

“Well my landlord told me my payment for my rent hasn’t gone through, so I was told to come here and fix it.”

Katarina explained and the man named Martin nodded and typed something on his keyboard and looked at the screen.

“Well I am sure a mistake has just been made,” he smiled and kept typing. “Hmm… this is odd. It does say your payment has been rejected but it does not state a reason. Something must have gone wrong somewhere, very peculiar. I will need a few days to look into this, haven’t encountered this before.”    

“Okay, guess it can’t be helped.”

“I will give you a call when I find something out, I need to ask my superior.”

“Thanks Martin” Katarina said and stood up from the chair, and he held out his hand so she had to shake it.

“Hey Kat,” he said after letting go of her grip. “Are you free tonight? Let me treat you to dinner.”

The woman was about to open her mouth and bluntly reject his offer, as she remembered he had tried to go out with her way back. Her mind then turned and she nodded and took out a piece of paper and scribbled her mobile number on it. Rather than spending the night thinking about Ruben and his little cares, she could at least try and go out and forget about it. Usually she would never agree to a date, it all felt stupid and futile. In fact going out in general felt like an idiotic hassle.

By walking Katarina returned to her flat, it was just as quiet and messy and she had left it. Books were scattered over her living room table but at least she hadn’t had a meal home in some time so there were no leftover dirty dishes. She decided to go and take a long bath and have some food before the evening approached. To ease her mind she even decided to curl her long black hair and put on some more make-up than usual. She just wanted to feel different, maybe even pretty for once.

Ruben returned to his mansion and parked his car outside. He was just fiddling with his keys in the pocket when he instead reached out a piece of paper. It was the note Katarina had written to him and left when she did breakfast. Just staring at the letters he could almost recreate the smell of her fresh perfume in his mind. People were complicated, and he was no different. As he came to his senses that she was all the way on the other side of town, it made him feel unsettled. Unknowing as to why, he was just filled with a sort of worry. Still standing in front of his entrance door he was trying to come up with an excuse to go over to her place. Perhaps he would come up with something before he was there.

Evening approached. Ruben had been staring at the lights from Katarinas flat for a long time. He was unsure, though it made little sense, he was never unsure. As he left his car finally he caught a glimpse of Katarina leaving the building to his surprise. He decided to stay back and watch where she was going. Wearing a short red dress, black over-knee socks and a long black coat she was more dressed up than he had ever seen her, and thus he became more inquisitive in knowing where she was headed and at the same time he didn’t want her to go anywhere where he wasn’t.

Katarinas lips were as red as her dress; and as she went out from her building and walked down the street a few blocks the wind kept it swaying. The restaurant where she was supposed to meet Martin was named something with _Silver_ , which was all she knew. Further down the road she noticed a sign that said _Silver Lining_ and recalled that the name was correct. It was quite a fancy restaurant, and as she entered she could feel gazes coming from each side but it didn’t bother her. It simply felt like they showed respect to her inferior being. Martin was situated at a table with candles in the corner, and with loud clicks from her heels she sat down next to him. For a second she imagined Ruben sitting in front of her, and the thought if it only made her sad knowing it was a stupid thought.

“Hello Kat,” Martin said, and greeted her with a hug. “You look great.” His smile was telling, she could probably get him to do whatever she wanted. “I ordered some wine.”

“Okay” she said, and had a convincing smile. Her mind was on the rent issue, but if she asked about it this early it would be too obvious she had a narrow interest in this meeting.

“So what are you doing now, after studying? Are you a famous scientist soon?” Martin had a grin on his face, like his smug face was bathing in the misery of others.

“I am currently working together with an outstanding scientist; but that’s all” she lied and kept smiling. A servant came and poured some wine to them. “How about you, Martin? What happened to your grandeur plans of travelling?”

Martin laughed and took a sip of his wine. “Well I went to Europe for a few months, but soon realized I actually hate travelling” he said and was grinning still. “So then I went to school a bit, but then got a job at the bank and it’s pretty nice! I get to talk to people and be helpful and alike.”

Not understanding why anyone would ever want to either talk nor help people, Katarina just smiled and nodded and drank some of the wine. It had a sour tone to it, nothing like the wine she had shared the night before with… _Ruben_. Martin didn’t even come to close to Rubens greatness; she had never felt that anyone except for him had been like her. Here she was, spending the evening just as she had promised not to. The two of them ordered food and ate it, and recalled some events they had shared at one of the orphanages.

“Hey, do you wanna go somewhere else?” Katarina suddenly burst out and had a mischievous look.

“Like… where?”

“There’s a club one block away, you know the one with the black chandeliers?”

“Uhm… okay, sure” Martin simply smiled and agreed, even though he was quite surprised. “I thought you hated clubs.”

“Maybe I love and hate everything.”

The club was crowded on a Saturday like this; nothing less than expected. Inside the air was heavy and the music was loud, even from the closet where they were hanging their outercoats the bass could be felt in the ground. What Katarina did not know as she entered the club and ordered a drink and started dancing; was that Ruben was still only a few steps behind her. From the flat he had followed her out of curiosity, and had seen her enter the restaurant. Hesitant whether he should have followed his initial thought of rushing in there and killing everyone except Katarina; he just crept outside and pretended like he was waiting for someone. Seeing her smile at another man made his body crumble underneath the rage. No other man could understand her complexity nor fully appreciate the existence of her being. She was his magnet, and when they looked at each other it was like two mirrors meeting – _infinity_. Something he had never felt before. For months he had tried to deny it. Caught in his absurd thinking and prancing around outside the restaurant, a long time later he noticed Katarina and the strange man walked off. If only he didn’t hold back he could have approached her already. She looked different when she smiled at the strange man; Ruben could recognize it’s falseness from miles away. Carefully he hid out of sight as they walked the road down, and then he slowly began walking the same way. Almost ten minutes had passed since they entered the club, and Ruben found himself unable to turn away. He approached the entrance, and went into the loud obnoxious club.

The lights were flashing in different colours and blinking in the big main room. There were people all over and somewhere in the middle Katarina was dancing around, intoxicated by all the alcohol she had let consume her body. She didn’t like drinking, dancing or going out in general, but at least it kept her mind busy. The last thing she wanted was a night at home with all of her thoughts louder than the television. Martin came up and began dancing in front of her, and at least he couldn’t keep blabbing on about useless things with the loud music. In secret Katarina had always found that particularly annoying. He could speak hours of the most trivial matters imaginable, and then conversations never led anywhere. Lost in her own mind and in the music, a hand suddenly took a tight grip on her arm and pulled her to the side. Katarina was ready to punch someone’s face in when she realized that before her stood…

“ _Ruben?”_ He could hardly hear her through the hammering music but he almost didn’t need to. There was a strong animalistic attraction between them, an instant magnetism once they saw each other again. Katarina almost thought she was hallucinating again. Time slowed down around them, and in his eyes she was the only visible person in the room while the rest were just dark and faceless figures. Martin was lost in the crowd and tried to spot Katarina but kept getting pushed by dancing people, almost like the club was taking in way more people than they should, and he didn’t manage to gain sight of her.

“Ruben…” she said, and their eye contact had been so extended it almost felt awkward now. “Are you that worried about your employees?” Still unhappy about his expression earlier she just wanted to point it out an extra time.

“Show your loyalty to me and only me.” Ruben spoke into her ear and laid his hand around her waist and pulled her closer. She was not afraid. There was an undeniable tension between them, and it had been for the longest of times but nothing really came out from it. Both of them had little interest in anything regarding people other than themselves until they met, and it was if they knew from the beginning they had this in common. Katarina found herself at a loss of words at his request; she had never felt so weakened by just the use of words. She was about to open her mouth but hesitated and they couldn’t even resist each other no longer and in the middle of the dance-floor the pair met in a deep kiss – forsaking all else and all others. Katarina was unsure about this, commitment was a scary thought but at the same time it felt more real than anything ever had in her miserable life. Afterwards he then grabbed her hand and held it in a firm grip. Without even uttering another word they left the club behind and walked outside. Martin was left lost in the midst of dancing people, and didn’t even know what had happened but that wasn’t even on her mind once.

Ruben and Katarina walked on the sidewalk slowly in the direction of her flat, but it was still a few blocks away. Suddenly snowflakes began to fall down over the city, and it seemed like the first real snow finally came. Almost cheesy like a romance film, it seemed like an impeccable timing for the snow.

“Wow it’s snowing” Katarina said with a small smile; a smile that seemed much deeper and genuine than the smile she had given other people and a fact like that was somehow a big comfort for Ruben.

“Kat,” he said and she quickly noted that he had never addressed her by nickname before. She stopped and looked at him, and he remained quiet as he just felt uncomfortable and nervous to say anything emotional.

“It’s late, come stay at my place.” It was as if she could tell he had something on his mind but didn’t feel confident enough saying it, so she broke the silence herself.

“Okay. Just… no more wine.”

Katarina burst out into laughter when he mentioned that and started to walk again.

“What? What’s so funny about it? …”

“Sorry, it’s just… funny” she added and still had a small smile. “You didn’t really seem particularly affected by it though. Some people ramble for days, some people get angry, some just sleep and such, but you… You were just slightly more talkative than usual.”

“I dislike talking simply for the sake of talking, if I have nothing to add or am unsure it is better to simply stay silent.”

“Like when you take a taxi and get one of those drivers that really want to talk and make comments about the weather and random inputs from their life. I hate that, it’s so forced and awkward.”

“Exactly.”

Upon reaching the building they went up to her flat and took of their jackets. Ruben sat down in the couch and began to glance over all the books laying out on the sofa-table. He watched as Katarina still struggled with taking off her high heels in the hall. The light from the hall mirror fell down on her and she almost looked like an apparition; a beautiful fantasy he had made up, and sometimes he had to ask himself if this was another hallucination.

“You look nice in red. You should wear it more often.”

Swearing internally toward her heels but as she got them off she looked up at him by his comment.

“Maybe I will” she smirked. “Want some tea?”

He nodded as a reply. While waiting for the water to boil she returned into the living room and lit some lamps in the window.

“You shouldn’t read this book” Ruben said and held up one of the books from the table. It had a tree on the front and was about theories surrounding the brain and its functions. “The man who wrote it is a complete imbecile on the matter; a pseudo-scientist without any sort of knowledge about the subjects he mentions.”

“Is that so? Don’t even know who he is. It was just part of our coursework before but I didn’t care much for his theories anyway. We were supposed to read it critically and discuss it.”

“Luckily I have heard he no longer is able to write.” Ruben began to reminiscence the time he had met the writer, gave him sedative and then removed his fingers one by one. During the process he had been very careful not to leave any traces or anything that the write could use to identify the place so that Ruben could release him back into the world, forever suffering. It was a comforting thought, like he had rid the world of an evil entity.

She returned to the kitchen as she could hear that the water had finished boiling. Taking out two dark cups she filled them with hot water and added some raspberry-tea to them; her favourite, and came back out with the cups. She took a seat next to him in the couch.

“The person at the restaurant… who is he?” Ruben could no longer avoid asking it and simply changed subject when she returned, his curiousness was too strong.

“His name is Martin, he works at the bank” she told and moved her head slightly closer to his shoulder so she could lean on it, and he didn’t seem to mind. “And well… I don’t have any parents so between foster homes I have been in different care homes when I was younger. We were at the same place for some time so I sort of know him. But to be honest, I just agreed to meet him so I could possibly get drunk and not think about… you know; _you_.” Not that she had many feelings for things in general; this man seemed to stir them more than they ever had in her entire life and it could have both good yet bad sides to it.

“Hmm. Do you care about him?”

“I really don’t, he’s too pushy and he always has been. Do you take my word for it?”

“I do.”

Katarina drank some tea from her cup and then suddenly moved over toward Ruben and sat down straddling his lap while he was sitting normally.

“About what you said in the club…” she began and was looking down fiddling with some of his buttons on the shirt. “Show me. Show me that I can trust you.”

Considering his wide variety of hobbies mostly included violence towards others the only thing he could think of was pain. Something painful is pure, and letting yourself in another person hands is the ultimate form of intimacy in Rubens world. Little did he know that Katarina felt alike; she had just been ignoring all her dark thoughts ever since she was little.

“I will” he said. “Only through mutual suffering is trust born. In time.”

A small shrug was seen but then she began to unbutton his shirt and opened it as wide as she could. The bandages covering one side of his face went down further and covered one part of his chest. She gently moved her hand from his stomach and up toward his bandages. Katarina began to slightly pull in the bandages and as soon as she did it he quickly took a firm grip around her wrist.

“I want to see” she said and stroked his cheek with her other free hand.

“I’m an abomination.”

“No, you’re beautiful.”

Ruben sighed and frowned a bit, but as he left go of her arm she freely took his shirt completely off and began to carefully remove the bandage. His burn marks became more visible and she was in awe of them; they were beautiful, like a painting, a road-map of pain and artistry. She touched the burned side of his chest slightly and then leaned forward and kissed the skin slightly.

“Does it hurt?” Was this feeling… _empathy_? It was unknown territory for her completely, she had never felt worry for another human being before.

“Most parts are without sensory function; the others pain me constantly.”

As she was tracing the skin with her hand he suddenly pushed her to the side so she fell down on the couch. Her dress was short and he had to pull it upward to expose the skin while she was left in only her black over knee socks with matching black underwear. He stroked her soft belly and became a bit unfocused; he had never seen a living body in the same way and never had he felt the desire to own it. This was an equal before him, not inferior like most other people were, and never had anyone been able to be on an equal level to _him_.

Katarina and Ruben shared a long kiss in the sofa before the man suddenly stopped and just looked at her. What was he doing? Was he just telling himself these things to justify his feelings? He couldn’t know she was special, perhaps it always felt like that in the beginning. Her eyes were like a sea he wanted to drown in; but as he was battling with his thoughts he became hesitant.

“Ruben?” Katarina had noticed a change in him and felt awkward laying there in her underwear. He took a deep breath and pretended everything was fine by giving her one of his cold gazes with a small smirk. They spent the night together in her flat, while it was both awkward being the first time for either of them, it had also been nice.

Ruben woke up early. Katarina was still sleeping and while both her hair and make-up was a mess she was still shining of beauty in his eyes. He didn’t like this feeling. The last time he cared about someone it had been his sister, and when she disappeared he never wanted to care about anyone ever again. She wasn’t physically gone, but she was simply a hollow shell of her former self. The accident still echoed in his mind…How does normal people handle caring and feeling? Ruben never understood, it was either all or nothing. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he knew he was capable of doing so. With his thoughts he stood up carefully so Katarina didn’t wake up, and got dressed. He glanced over at her and felt his heart ache just by looking at her, but knew this was no good. Katarina would wake up several hours later and as she turned around she noticed the bed was empty. Still tired she took a big t-shirt and underwear and walked out to the kitchen. There was no trace of Ruben, and her phone was still quiet. With a sigh she threw herself back on the bed and left her phone out in the living room. Life felt much less scary and terrible when she was with him, but now that he was gone she could feel the emptiness inside of her; the big black hole that swallowed everything else. She really thought he did care, why else would he follow her around? She had been so sure but now she just felt… nothing. If he was just using her he would _regret it._ …Was it really that difficult just being with someone?


	7. Cinders

Ruben was once again plagued by haunting apparitions alongside nightmares the following night. He saw his sister standing in front of his window and saw as the moon lit up her pale face. He was aware it was just a vision, but nevertheless it awoke his overbearing guilt. It was his entire fault she was gone. Laura, his dear sister, still had her body resting on this plane of existence but she was no more than a mere shell unable to function. Stuck in a vegetative state, it felt as if Ruben owed it to her to finish this machine. It was the only way he could save her. There was no reason to get involved with anyone deeply. In his vision Laura turned her face to him and smiled, and as she was smiling she morphed slowly into someone else, and it took a few seconds before Ruben could recognize that it was now… _Katarina_. Wearing the same red dress as she had done the night at the club coupled with dark lips and her long dark hair simply hanging straight down, he couldn’t help but get completely lost in the sight of her. Feelings; such a preposterous mystery. 

It felt odd somehow, when Katarina arrived to work again. No word had arrived from Ruben since he had left her flat, and neither had she contacted him in her stubbornness. Somewhere she was actually slightly nervous coming back and meeting him again, but at the same time she was still mad and would not let it slide easily. As she was about to leave her flat her phone began to ring, so she stopped herself to find it in the pocket. Katarina saw that it was a call from Martin, and after careful consideration she decided to reply after all.

“Hello?”

“Kat? It’s me, Martin.”

“Heey Martin, I’m really sorry about this weekend” she said as she was locking the door and slowly making her way downstairs. “It was uhm… my boss… and he wanted to talk with me… apparently…” Her lies felt completely transparent as she was unable to come up with something better in the heat of the moment.

“Its fine really, I’m glad you’re alright. I guessed it was important. Meeting your boss at a club though, that doesn’t sound too fun” He sounded genuinely relieved and Katarina almost felt moved by it for a second. “So yeah I was looking through your case with one of my superiors, and for some reason your payments are not getting accepted. Your account still has enough money to pay for the rent, but it keeps getting denied when reaching the one you are renting from. It really is quite odd, we have tried to contact them but they are not responding to our calls. Have you heard anything?”

Katarina left the building and hurried to catch her cab before it left with the phone next to her ear. Martin had to have very early mornings if he had done all that so soon.

“No, nothing” she sighed in the back of the car. “I believe I have the number somewhere, should I also try to contact them?”

“Yeah that would be great. Even my boss was baffled by how odd this was so hopefully they know something more. Sorry I can’t be of more help.”

“No, it’s good. And… let me treat you out sometime soon, to apologize for last time.”

“It’s not necessary, but if you want to, it would be a delight.”

“Good, I’ll text you later, bye.”

Not entirely sure if she would live up to her promise at the moment she still told Martin that they could meet again. The entirety of her life felt like it was being sucked into a big hole, and the hole began to grasp shape of Ruben. It was so silly, she wish she could just close her eyes and make it go away. But it didn’t. However this morning was different, instead of simply daydreaming about such things she felt a slight discomfort in this entire economic situation. She had always been on the poorer side of life, but she calculated her expenses carefully so they would be enough for rent, food and other necessities while still saving an amount each month, partly to her currently discontinued studies and another for emergency outcomes such as an accident or alike. With the thought still nagging in her head she arrived at the Victoriano-mansion, and felt a lump in her stomach build up. Why did she feel so nervous? Nervousness was a sign of weakness according to herself, and she couldn’t pinpoint a reason for it.

Ruben was in his library, trying to find a book while at the same time being so tired from sleep deprivation that he hardly knew what he was doing. Since the night he spent at Katarinas place he had not been able to sleep more than merely a few hours. It wasn’t unusual; in fact it was more surprising he had been able to sleep without waking up before that. He gazed quickly upon the clock and noticed it was already the time when Katarina usually came. Carelessly he walked toward the window and pretended to look for the book there, even though he knew it was the wrong shelf, so he could excuse himself looking out at the front. He kept pretending to search for his book, just so he didn’t feel like a creepy stalker or anything, as the car finally came up the driveway. Katarina stepped out of the car, but she didn’t look as radiant as she usually did and even her head was held low. Not even considering that his own actions could be at fault here, he assumed something else was the trouble. Ruben timed his coming down the stairs as Katarina was in the hallway still, and if an excuse was needed he would now pretend he was searching for some misplaced papers in the music room or something. The woman still seemed low as she started to walk to the kitchen without even meeting his gaze. As she was passing a few meters next to him he suddenly cleared his throat and let out a “Morning.”

“Hi” Katarina replied but was still acting weird and didn’t even look up at him and disappeared into the kitchen to grab some cleaning material. Ruben pretended he was not bothered by this and also kept walking the other way, but as soon as he was around the corner he stopped and carefully peeked out trying to get a glimpse of her. It was looking quite silly, but thankfully no one else saw him. Earlier she had always acknowledged him in some way, be it only in the exchange of looks or something simple, and not having experienced the cold shoulder until now it made him realize that deep inside he did appreciate her more than he thought. What if he had put her off by running away? For the first time he thought that maybe himself was to blame, but that thought quickly died out as he would much rather blame someone else, perhaps someone like Martin. While he did feel it was best if they were not together, for her own sake of course, he also would not accept her being with someone else. This was a matter worth investigating, _for science_.

Empty. All Katarina could feel was emptiness. The early morning was covered by a shroud of gray clouds and soon enough rain began to gently fall down. There was something soothing for the woman listening to the rain bashing against the window in the kitchen. At least an hour had passed since she had arrived to the mansion, but found herself without any will to get anything done. Plagued by this sudden loss of motivation she hadn’t been able to stop staring out the window. Ruben had walked by outside a few times, though she hadn’t noticed it. He had mostly pretended to himself that he still was doing things and had to walk there, while it was all an excuse to see what she was doing. Now it was getting ominous seeing her still standing there and staring. His natural instinct was going there and hugging her, but that was a preposterous and illogical thought.  

“Kat.”

The woman didn’t even move. The man walked up to her and stood next to her, and shared the view of the rain falling over the mansions land.

“If you’re not going to work today, you should just go home.”

His intentions were that if she was feeling tired or unwell, she should return home and rest but as always words became twisted when he spoke to her and turned out in a completely different light than he had intended.

“Excuse me?” Katarina felt a validation that he was a selfish asshole when he uttered those words, when she obviously wasn’t feeling well. “You really don’t give a fuck about anyone do you?” She masked the fact that his words were hurtful in anger; she would not let herself be sad by this man. Unable to understand her feelings, as they so rarely had shown themselves in the past, she just walked out of the kitchen and began to clean frenetically until it was time for her to go home, avoiding all run-ins with the man. _You really don’t give a fuck about anyone do you?_ The words echoed in Rubens mind. Was that really how he was perceived? In all honesty he did not care about anyone, well except perhaps Katarina. It was undeniable. Shocking it was however, that she had such a low view upon him.

The cab took Katarina back into the city; where the streets were crowded by degenerates, the liquor-store where the alcoholics gathered round the corner and the air polluted by traffic. Instead of instantly going home she walked around the block. The rain had stopped but small drops could still be felt from time to time. It had been several months since she came to work at the mansion; and it was all due to Tatiana. It would seem odd surely if Katarina didn’t thank her. As soon as the thought came to her she entered a cramped flower shop down the street, and purchased some flowers. It felt like a friendly gesture to do when she had been of such a big help after all. How well did Tatiana know Ruben? No, she would not mention him, it would just seem weird even though her curiosity lingered. There was no way she would be transparent enough to ask of him, no just no. The flower shop had a strong scent; so many flowers stuffed in such a small space did not leave much fresh air. A bouquet of readymade flower mixes where next to the counter, and the woman settled for one of them sporting red, white and blue. Katarina knew where Tatiana was working currently, but it was quite a long walk so she decided to take the bus to get there and then walk back perhaps. She had her music available on her phone so it shouldn’t be a problem. Katarina had never really liked anything other than sad and classical music, it was as if music that wasn’t sad was not genuine; just a façade. Every song felt like it was about her, and the sky was crying in her honour. She could take care of herself, she didn’t need anybody, but that does not deter from the fact that she wanted somebody. And that person did not want her back. Couldn’t he have said so from the start; instead of pretending he cared? Never would she have fallen for such shallow actions before or if it were regarding someone else. She couldn’t quite pinpoint what was so special about Ruben, what made her lose all sense of logic and distrust she carried close to her heart. This was getting monotone. Thoughts and feelings were copied from the day before; everything was just a repeat of the same song.

Katarina entered the tall white building, even keeping that clinical style on the outside, and took the elevator to the ninth floor. She had been there before and visited Tatiana once and remembered the way. The lights all had a strong blueish tint and were almost harsh on the eye paired with the white flooring as Katarina navigated forward. There was a woman speaking on the phone at the floors reception and only hastily caught eyes with Katarina, who kept on walking past since she already knew the way. A few offices had glass windows to the hallway, probably to let in some more light but most of them were behind thick walls. If you came to see a nurse it probably wouldn’t feel very reassuring if the room had a huge window toward a busy hall. She reached the door and hoped that Tatiana was still there and not out doing anything else, which happened often in her line of work. In fact, Katarina wasn’t even sure what she did here exactly. It probably was different work compared to an orphanage. She lifted her hand and gently knocked on the door two times. Footsteps occurred on the other side of the door and Katarina embraced herself with the most convincing of smiles as the door slid open.

“Katarina? Wow, what a surprise! Come in!” Tatianas enthusiasm was almost startling.

“These are for you” Katarina said and handed her the flowers as she entered the room.

The view was quite good from there though and caught her eyes a few seconds before she sat down. Tatiana smiled and took place on the other side of the desk.

“Thank you they are very pretty, but what did I do to deserve these?” Tatiana held them close and smelled them carefully.

“I just wanted to show my gratitude. If it had not been for you I probably wouldn’t even had a job by now.”

“Really, it’s nothing. So talking about jobs, how is it going? You and Ruben getting along okay? He can be quite tricky.”

 _Tricky_? The question felt like a shard of ice being mashed into her heart a few times, but with a smile she masked any ounce of uncomfortableness.

“It’s fine. He mostly seems to… stay busy with his own things anyway.”

“Yes that sure sounds like him. But don’t fault him on that too much; ever since his sister died I think he used it as a way to cope and he didn’t have many other interests even before that.”

A sister? Katarina could not recall ever hearing of a sister. In fact, she knew nothing of his family at all.

As Katarina got lost in her questions Tatiana took up the conversation again, “But he has mentioned you so he must like you anyway, he has never mentioned anyone of the others who worked there and well, most of them quit anyway.”

“He might find me _manageable_ , but nothing more I would say” hiding the shock from what Tatiana mentioned, why would we have done such a thing? Surely he just wondered if she would quit or something, he did not strike her as the person who cared or worried.

The two of them spent a few minutes discussing some nostalgic moments of when they first met, before Tatiana agreed to see her out since she had a few more things to do before her shift was over.

“He’s watching!”

A voice from behind stole their attention. It came from a man with boyish mannerism who was waddling forward to gain distance to them. His skin was pale and his hair white and they both lacked enough pigment to wonder if he was albino.

“Leslie, what are you doing all the way out here?” Tatiana took a step forward to him.

“He’s watching!” Leslie pointed at Katarina and he looked very serious yet his voice was filled with fear. “And he always will…”

The person named Leslie put up his hands over his head like he was trying to silence voices or in great pain.

“I’ll take him back, you remember the way right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine” Katarina said still feeling overwhelmed after all strange things she had heard this day. The walk home would probably take an hour, but it would be nice to get to think some. Perhaps she would actually call Martin, he liked her way more than she liked her and that was a lot better than liking someone yourself. She could make use of his company but still not be bothered with all the annoyances of liking someone romantically.   

Winter had officially arrived when the city was covered in a light snow sheet the upcoming morning. It would probably melt away during the day, but it was really something else seeing the sunrise over a snowy landscape. Ruben was usually occupied entirely by his scientific experiments, thought the past few months his work had been severely slowed due to his constant thinking about different matters, mainly Katarina. It was like an echo, a constant replay of the same words all over. He was still quite disturbed, out of all people she should be able to see his true intentions; to understand what he was hoping to accomplish. She should be able to comprehend that he would put her at risk and he only did this because he _did_ care. If only Laura had still been there beside him, instead of rotting away trapped in the shell called body, he would have asked her for advice and he wouldn’t have to be afraid.

Katarina was returning to the mansion as always. Her money issue still wasn’t solved, and she was at a loss what to do about it. There was no explanation from either the bank or the people she was renting the flat from. As she was hanging her outercoat in the hallway her cellphone was ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hey Kat, it’s me Martin, again” he said and chuckled. “Sorry to bother you like this, but a few of my friends are having a party this Friday, and I was just wondering maybe you’d like to come? I completely understand if you don’t but I want…”

“Sure. I can come.”

He was babbling and sounding a bit nervous on the other end. Katarina wouldn’t normally agree to parties or anything, but lately she had done lots of things she wouldn’t _normally_ do. Being alone didn’t seem to cut it when it came to avoid what she felt.

“Oh, wow great! I’m not sure about the time but I can text you about it later. I just wanted to ask some time in advance.”

“Sounds good, talk to you later.”

Ruben was standing behind a wall and couldn’t see anything, but he was listening to her. Come? Come where? Questions arose in his mind. Hopefully it had nothing to do with that vexatious vermin Martin, who kept putting his nose in business he had nothing to do with. If he turned out to be a problem, Ruben would simply have to _take care of it_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support everyone, it really keeps me not straying away or feeling like I'm not good enough. You guys are the best! ♥   
> It's such a joy to see people that still enjoy reading as well, so many people claim they hate reading and books around me. :c 
> 
> This chapter was very delayed as I kept getting disturbed and never got into a "flow" when writing... :/ but a month is okay   
> I feel like every chapter gradually gets worse, but I still try to write well, even if it doesn't seem like it. 
> 
>  
> 
> Next time; what will happen at the party? Will Ruben stop being an asshole? And will Katarina stop avoiding everything?   
> DUNDUN STAY TUNED (or something) XD


	8. Past Recollection

Throughout life we search for excuses and reasons for our own existence; there is nothing more frightful than the moment you truly realize we are not here for a reason, we do not have a purpose and we are still primal beings when it comes down to it. Even way before the accident with his sister, Ruben had felt this disconnection with the world which he could never explain. Had he told his father about it he would have resorted to violence against the young boy, as he had a tendency to, just like all the times the school complained about Ruben being unable to play along with the other children and showing little interest in doing so as well. In his father’s eyes his own son was a disgrace, an anti-social problem child not fitting in his visions of a perfect family. When Ruben turned ten he was locked in the basement by his father’s rage and he then claimed to the outside world his son had gone missing without a trace. Weak and suppressed his mother tried to reason with the father, but soon gave up on it, yet she was always handing food to her son. Laura used to sneak down and spend time with him as often as she could without anyone noticing, and she also came with books to her brother. Taken out of school against his will, he educated himself by reading and studying a lot down in the basement. Under the years his resentment began to grow, and finally at eighteen years old he managed to escape. With a big knife from the kitchen Ruben snuck into his parents’ bedroom one night. With no hesitation he slit the throat of his mother and saw her bleeding tremendously before dying. Unable to speak her last seconds she just looked at her son with loving eyes, yet as if she knew this day would always come and in some way she felt she deserved it. His father would not die so hastily. Ernesto had his name been, and the silent death of his mother had him still sleeping like a baby. Ruben crept over to his side and with a wicked smile he slashed the knife into his stomach. Laura was sleeping a few doors away, and to keep the man quiet Ruben continued to cut out his tongue (which he still keeps in a jar with formaldehyde). This was a calculated area to stab as he could see his father suffer for almost an hour before finally dying. Blood was flowing out profusely and stomach acids were spewing out into his body cavity causing terribly agony. By this time Ruben only felt relief, he had no remorse left in his body especially not toward his parents. He put them in a car and drove it off a cliff so it would seem an accident, then he returned to the basement to seem innocent in front of his sister, who came and let him out with the news of the parents.

Ruben sometimes dreamed about the murder of his parents, and it was most delightful at first but then turned into more of a nightmare when they refused to die no matter what he did. Sometimes in the dreams Laura came and exposed him at the moment of killing and sometimes he stabbed his father only to have him morph into Katarina, making him feel something as remote as guilt. He knew she also had interests in neuroscience, but she had no idea what he had done neither what he was capable of. In his mind he had already made elaborate plans on how he should kill Martin, it was an interesting way of passing time coming up with the funniest method he could think of. The work with his machine had stagnated the past months, it was a bump he could not get over but he would have to if it were to fulfil its purpose. By connecting brains and sharing consciousness he could give his sister the life that was taken from her and create a new world. It was science on a whole new level; no person had ever been able to create something like this. Between the ages of eight and thirteen a doctor named Marcelo Jimenez visited Ruben from time to time, originally to check upon his physical and mental state, but he soon saw great potential in the young boy, who was already exceeding scientists of Marcelo’s age by a mere age of ten. A few years later Marcelo simply disappeared without a trace, and that’s when Tatiana became the family doctor. However this was not the last time Ruben and Marcelo crossed paths unfortunately…

Another week of working was complete, and Katarina had a feeling Ruben had been purposely avoiding her even more so than before since she had hardly even seen a glimpse of the man. She didn’t know him or knew what he was thinking, yet it was so hard not to care at all. She just wished he would have cared back. The temperature had been dropping little each day for the past weeks and by now it was getting really cold. _Show your loyalty to me and only me._ It all seemed like a bad illusion of the past by now. Stepping out from the warm shower in the afternoon Katarina regretted agreeing on coming to Martins friends’ party this evening, as she would rather climb up a high-rise building and throw herself from the rooftop. She opened her wardrobe and went for a short black velvet dress coupled with her favourite over-knee socks. The woman was living on the brink of eviction due to all issues with her bank, so she might as well try to enjoy the time left if things didn’t sort itself out.

Walking down the street in the city as a few snowflakes fell; Katarina was being reminiscent of the time she had walked here besides Ruben. The air was remarkably colder this time, but the scenery was almost the same. In a few spots where the clouds were thin, you could even spot slight parts of the moon shining through. Looking down on the snowy pavement it reminded her of when she was twelve, and had recently moved in with a foster care family. The snow had been falling the entire night, and the father took her out for a walk the next day. They seemed nice at first, but like all others they took her in, spit on her and rejected her. That day in the snowy forest the father of the family jumped on her when they were far away enough from everything else. He made threats and also made it quite clear that she was the scum of the earth and how nobody would ever love such a piece of rubbish and that his intention was to have sex with her, claiming it was the only good she would ever be used for. He was big and strong, especially compared to a little twelve year old, so she knew simply resorting to sheer violence would make it a one-sided fight. She was young but not a stranger to these types of environments, and she knew all she could rely on was herself. The man liked when they fought back which she didn’t, and instead asked if she could taste it. Surprised he granted her the wish, and she was laughing at how stupid he was in her head, as he shoved her cock into her mouth she soon bit it with all her power. The man began to scream as the blood was streaming from his groin, and she just smiled. He probably was too dumb to think that a little girl would think of doing something like that. After a while he fell down in the snow still moaning in pain, and she walked around until she found a big rock, and with it she returned to smash it into his head. The man survived she learned, but suffered enough head trauma to recess back into a childlike state. When asked, Katarina said they got lost in the forest and had no idea what happened to him, and nobody could prove her neither right nor wrong. She had visited him at the special care home he was staying at once, and had the same mischievous smile on her face as the day in the forest. It was a joy seeing a disgusting human being like him being unable to feed himself. He deserved it all.

Martin was waiting outside of the restaurant where they had gone to the last time, and from there they would walk together to the home of his friend. They ended up small-talking about unimportant matters such as the cold, the traffic and being tired from a week of work. It had no value discussing such trivial matters, but that was all people seemed to do. Martins friend resided in a luxury flat in the very center of the city. The building possessed big glass windows and glazed-in balconies. The monthly rent of a place here must be exceedingly high, Katarina thought, even before she had entered the actual flat.

“Hey, come on in” said the host of the party, when he opened the door for them. “You must be Katarina, right? I’m Marvin.” Obviously being hasty so he could return to the others who had already arrived and were all sitting comfortably in the couch drinking wine and talking.

“I’m surprised you agreed to come,” Martin said as he was hanging his outer-coat up in the hall. “From what I remembered you seem to have changed a lot.”

“Maybe. Time changes everyone.”

While sitting around in the living room everyone introduced themselves to Katarina and she politely said hello to each and every one before Martin came with a glass of wine to her. She could easily be more talkative if she wanted to, but in the back of her head she couldn’t help but imagine what this Friday would be like if she had spent it with Ruben. She wondered what he was doing, it must get lonely sometimes. The woman would never have considered him as a romantic interest if he had not pretended to like her back, she thought, because it sure was easier to blame him than to admit to a mistake.

“Hey Kat,” Martin said and nudged at her shoulder. “Your boss was it? That person at the club… I’m just curious, what’s wrong with him?”

“What’s wrong with who?” One of the girls added and suddenly took an interest in what Martin was saying.

“Oh, I was just asking Katarina about her boss. He was like… covered in bandages. Looked really odd. Is he some rich creep or what?”

Katarina frowned and looked down at her wine glass. The condescending tone of his voice angered her, like they were entitled to judging others.

“No, he is not.” Her tone was stern and she did not look up at any of them. “He was in an accident. You don’t know him.”

“Yeah but he had a weird look anyway, like he was going to kill people or something” Martin laughed, and so the rest followed even though they had no idea what he was talking about more than his explanation.

“Just leave it.”

“Fiiiine, I was just curious” he replied and smiled a bit, almost like he had had six drinks already even though he had hardly had two.

The people kept talking and becoming more intoxicated by the hour, and Katarina found herself take refuge in the kitchen. She held the glass in her left hand and stroked the plastic roses in the window while looking out over the desolate city. The building was quite tall; she imagined it would be a deadly fall from this height. In her imagination they all fell down, their bodies painting the pavement like a spray can that blew up and it was quite amusing. Why was she here? She had tried too hard to fool herself; sure she could pretend to be any kind of person she wanted but she really had no interest in it this time. Katarina kept drinking however and soon enough she felt the alcohol change all the doubt in her body to joy. She stumbled back into the living room and leaned over the laptop that was connected to the speakers and typed in a song, **_Chelsea Wolfe – Simple Death_**. She danced to the slow tune and felt like she was outside of her own body.

 _Some nights I know I'll find the answer_  
_In silence_  
 _I hear it cry_  
 _Lost and alone in confusion_  
 _I'm screaming_  
 _But I can't wake up_  
 _We looked around_  
 _And all was dead_  
 _Our rotting bodies so deeply in love…_

It was so mesmerizing seeing her dance alone to the dark eerie music that the rest only looked at her in envy, she seemed so content in her own world, and she was an entire mystery herself. Martin studied her body as she danced, and watched her like he always had, even back in the orphanage. Katarina didn’t care; they were just the audience to something greater than they could ever grasp - her.

Ruben was watching as the woman left the premises at Friday afternoon from his window. It didn’t work. He had not spoken for days and he had avoided any sort of confrontation with her, worried he would be overwhelmed by finally seeing her again. But it didn’t work. None of it did. Everything was the same, it didn’t matter how much he tried to ignore her. Even though it was what he wanted, it still felt painful seeing her drift away from him. But the people who burned down his lab that night and stole his research, had expected him to die in the fire, and they did not include Laura in their planning. He felt a worry that they could possibly come back. Granted Marcelo could never continue developing on his ideas, he was too stupid to even acknowledge half the things, and Ruben only learned it had been Marcelo who committed the deed when he saw an article he had posted that contained all the research that was stolen. With no way of proving it was his, Ruben simply decided he would re-create everything and make it even better and keep developing his machine of consciousness, or as he called it STEM 1.0. It was designed to not function without his specific brain wave patterns, so if anyone took it they could never run it without him anyway. Was he really afraid of putting Katarina in danger due to them though, or was he trying to keep her from _himself_? Or was it all a lie created in his own mind to avoid becoming close to anyone? Trust was a big issue in his life in general.

Early morning was coming, and Katarina was so intoxicated that Martin had to walk her home for fear she wouldn’t even get home otherwise. She was hanging over his shoulder, hardly being able to stand up straight as they finally entered the building where she lived. When at the door Katarina lost her balance and while laughing for herself she fell down on the floor next to her own door.

“Keys; where are your keys Kat?” Martin said to himself and reached for her purse and looked through it carefully.

“Just… reverse my birth…” Katarina was rambling in a low tone and her eyes remained closed.

Marin found the keys at the bottom and unlocked the door, before he had to help her get up from the floor and proceeded to carry her into the bedroom so he could put her on the bed. He pulled up the duvet so it would cover her and she seemed to instantly fall asleep. Martin was worrying that she would feel terrible when she woke up, or that the sinister things she were saying could be a sign of something bad, so he went into the living room and soon fell asleep on the couch.

Martin awoke by the buzzing sound of a cell phone when early morning had already passed. He located the sound coming from Katarinas purse, and he slid it open to take it out. He looked at the screen which said Ruben, and walked over to peek inside the bedroom. It kept ringing and she was sleeping so calmly it felt rude to wake her, so he answered the phone.

“Uhm… hello?”

“Hmm… who are you?” Rubens voice was deep and translated well into his serious words.

“I’m uh Martin. She drank a bit too much yesterday, and now she’s sleeping… Can I leave a message or something?” the man politely asked.

The call was abruptly ended on the other half, and Martin just shrugged it off and went back to sleeping on the couch for a bit. Ruben on the other hand felt himself fill with fury; he took his glass and slammed it into the wall breaking into thousand tiny sharp pieces. This could be no longer, he thought as he sat down in his car and drove into town.

Martin yawned as he was turning in the couch, and he couldn’t sleep any longer. He went and got himself a glass of water and looked through his own phone. There was a knock on the door, and unwillingly he went over there. When trying to look out the peephole in the door he saw nothing but darkness, but he didn’t bother and simply opened the door. Ruben was surprised Katarina was not awake yet, but still so he came forward hastily and grabbed a hold around his neck and pushed him up against the wall, and with his other hand he forcefully held a cloth bathed in chloroform making Martin unable to avoid breathing it in. Soon he was put to sleep and fell unconscious to the floor. This acting out of angry impulse was stupid, and nothing Ruben would normally do. Hence he now found himself in a situation he didn’t really know how to handle… But there was no way he would let this vermin of a human being remaining close to something as wondrous as _his woman_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit darker and provides a lot of backstory to the both of them, and ultimately what they can feel relating to each other, they just don't know what it is yet. 
> 
> Also what will Ruben decide to do with Martin? Will he simply get rid of him? And will Katarina find out what happened to him? What happens when she gets involved in the accident where Rubens lab was burned to the ground? 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so much for reading everyone, I really hope it is up to expectations :(  
> Love from moi ♥


	9. Death is the road to awe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a new chapter, sorry for the wait! My cpu died so my computer was sent for service so I was without a computer for two weeks and then I got it back and didn't remember what I had in mind when I was writing... :( I hope the chapter isn't too messy/fast/bad (I'm always very self-conscious and worried) but I think I finally got back my motivation and stopped being stuck! 
> 
> Thanks for the prolonged support and nice comments ♥ Also this was a looong time since last chapter, won't take this long again!   
> Thank you for reading dearies and TEW-friends <3

Transporting Martin out from the building before he awoke would be difficult, since it would raise suspicion, but in some way Ruben had managed to do just so. Katarina didn’t know that, she simply assumed he had left on his own free will way before she woke up. It was afternoon already; the day had just leaped by. Plagued by an intense headache the woman grabbed some food and water before going to take a long hot bath. Still the tiredness was clinging to her like a dark cloud on a rainy day, and she almost fell asleep in the bath. Another reminder about her rent being late had arrived in the mail just the other day, and she still couldn’t pay it. It was getting serious; each day eviction got more and more a future reality. She had met men before, but they had never interested her. What was so different about Ruben really? She couldn’t even tell.

In the Victoriano-mansion Martin was brought into the big secret lab Ruben had hid. He felt no remorse from capturing the innocent man and bringing him into his lair of torture as he put his body on a heightened table with lights above. Carrying heavy weights like this was painful, especially for a weakened man like Ruben. In fact, it was quite astonishing that he had been able to transport the man by himself overall. In a small glass phial was a transparent liquid kept, and with a needle Ruben inserted it into the unconscious man. It would help so that when he awoke he would find himself unable to move anyone of his limbs. Martins eyes were slowly opening when some time had passed, and he looked to the side without being able to move his head and caught a glimpse of the scientists back.

“Ah, you are awake” Ruben said as he turned around and looked down on the man, and by now Martin was well-aware they had crossed paths before. “You might have discovered that you have gone… immobile. Paralysed, even. Fret not; I shall put it to good use.”

Unable to respond; all that was left was the terror in Martins eyes and Ruben decided to start cutting into his flesh. Only muffled sounds were heard, but the mixture created by Ruben himself let the man suffer through every single cut while still not having the power to move them. Martin was kept alive as his brain became exposed in due time, and with some experimenting with special places in the brain he probed two parts of it, hoping to see some positive effects.

Katarina came out from the bathroom and sat down in her couch again; staring hopelessly out the window from there. Dark clouds spreading like wildfire on the horizon. Suddenly she looked over to the door and noticed a jacket hanging there, that did not belong to her. Walking forward she pulled the jacket out and only then recognized it to be Martins. He must have forgotten it when he left. She decided to send a text message informing him of this. What she did not know was that on the receiving end stood Ruben, who heard the vibrations in Martins pocket and looked it up. When he saw it was from Katarina he frowned and then looked at the suffering body next to him. Would she hate him for this? Or yet, would she ever even know?

“There is something I don’t think you understand” Ruben said and leaned over so he could keep his intense glare into Martins scared eyes. “She belongs to me. You know what; maybe I’ll keep you around here for longer. Perhaps that brain of yours will prove more significant than you have.”  

Ruben went over to the door and turned the lights off before he left the sealed lab behind him. At the same time that was going on Tatiana was working late at the hospital. The boy, Leslie, had been restless again and hours were spent trying to calm him down. There had been something odd about his behaviour on this particular evening, kept mentioning the words _Save him_ over and over. However repeating short phrases or words was indeed a usual thing for him to do. Tatiana felt exhausted and sat down in her office to calm herself. Sadly the calm was short-lived as a quick knock on her door followed by the entrance of a younger man working at the same ward.

“New patient files,” the man said and placed them upon her desk. “An elderly woman, being sent here from California. That’s all they told me, you better read the files.”

“Right” she sighed with a yawn, realising she still had two hours left of her shift. “I’ll take a look then. Good work.” She opened the files and starting reading through them and something caught her eyes in the midst of all text. The woman’s last name was Sanders. It wasn’t the first time somebody shared this name and it all could simply be a coincidence but it was worth checking it out.

A week had once again begun, and the snow was falling heavily. The mansion looked more desolate than usual covered with white pillows of snow and windows with a thin trace of ice. The woman entered the building as usual, thinking how quickly this all became a habit for her. The scientist was hidden away, his face behind books and letters while she was busy scrubbing his dirt. It could’ve been a fairy tale, set in a nightmarish realm where only endless misery awaited all those who came. Was there anything worth it in this world? The same morning had she sent another text message asking how the investigation of why her bank was refusing the money she tried to pay the rent with, but alas no reply arrived. Katarina was always aware not to trust anyone, and even in this situation she wasn’t entirely surprised he seemed to ignore her. Working alone, eating alone, cleaning alone; all she did she did alone. After eating her lunch she decided to go upstairs and look for Ruben, while pretending she was doing something else. She carefully put her head into the work room where he was usually seated but it was surprisingly empty. His desk was filled with papers and she walked forward. A lot of them mentioned something called S.T.E.M, referring to it as a machine or like. Then a note was about Laura, and how a doctor had written that the probability of her waking up ever again was very low. When she took it up another note fell down underneath it. It was the note she had written to him when she left breakfast in his room. It had been crumpled but then flattened out again. A sound was heard and one of the bookshelves moved slightly, and she remembered the hidden room where he had been before. After careful consideration she decided to stay in the room while he came out from there. Looking like he was thinking about something his eyes completely changed look when they caught glimpse of her and for a second she almost deemed him nervous.

“You okay…?” she asked and raised one of her eyebrows and held a pen from his desk and twirled it in her hand.

“What are you doing in here?” His voice was cold and dark like it always was, like he was trying to hide every inch of emotion.

With a small smirk she sat down on the edge of his desk, “Sitting. Got anything new in there? I remember your lab, though I’m not sure you remember.”

“You’re lying.”

“Why would I lie about such a thing? Don’t you remember when you fainted, you were in there.”

Suddenly feeling embarrassed about being wrong he wanted to walk out the room but the lab door was still slightly adjacent. Doubtless Ruben was sure she didn’t actually want to know what was in there.

“So,” Katarinas soft expression suddenly changed and she looked completely serious. “Will you ever stop avoiding me?”

The question seemed to come straight out of the blue and Ruben was not prepared and simply felt yet even more uncomfortable. Didn’t she understand? It was best that way.

“I’m not avoiding you” he finally responded but it was obvious she did not agree.

“Not only are you avoiding me, now you are taking me for an imbecile.”

The room fell silent and her eyes portrayed a strength he had seen in her before, the time he held his hand around her soft neck against the wall. Katarina went forward and tried to tackle him out of the way, and this sudden aggression got a quick respond as he pushed her back. One in anger and another in fear; fear for showing the real disgusting truth.

“What are you doing?” His voice finally changed tone and as he was preventing her from entering the lab he ended up holding his arm around her body to keep her still. After a bit she stopped fighting back and just stood while he still kept her in place.

“You should fire me.”

Why was she feeling this way? It was impossible to remain strong when it was so hurtful when he didn’t care. The future was too far away to think about, all that remained was the contemporary pain.

“Why? Do you want me to?”

“Well it sure feels like you want to, so why not.”

Torn between wanting to live and to die; torn between the madness of her own mind and the sanity from all around. The night seemed endless in Katarinas flat and on the desk a white paper laid. Another notice about delayed rent had her mind overbearing with anxiety. Perhaps she should simply commit suicide and it would solve everything. Not that she believed that anything was “meant” to be, but often she wondered in times of weakness if she should never have been born. Another sleepless night where the only entertainment served as water drops on the outside of her window. Time had flown by since the woman first arrived at the mansion. It felt like so much had changed, but was any of it for the better? A plateau had been reached and nothing seemed to keep changing anymore. Debating in her mind about death and murder she was abruptly interrupted by a knock on the door. It was early, not even eight in the morning, yet she dragged herself to open the door. A strange man with another person standing behind him, dressed in clothing alike to that of construction workers, stood there and the first man smiled at her.

“Good morning ma’am, we’re ready to start” he said and waved to the man behind him and then a few more showed up. They entered the flat and crowded around the sofa to carry it.

“Excuse me…?” Katarina was so tired she thought it was a hallucination, that none of this really happened and even more as Ruben came around the corner and entered. “Ruben..? Hah, you’re not real.”

He made an odd-looking face as he was confused what she was on about, but then he searched his pocket and took out a key.

“This is the only key,” he said and gently took out her hand so he could put it on her palm. “If you want it, you can have it.”

Staring at the key Katarina held in front of her eyes she couldn’t understand, but at the same time the people in her flat were already busy moving all of her things.

“But… why?”

“Do you remember? I promised _, in time_.”

In time. _In time_. Wasn’t that the reply she had gotten when asking the man to prove that he was trustworthy. Was this proof that he had not forgotten, that he had not ignored everything that happened on that day? This was definitely all a figment of her imagination. As she was about to laugh her head suddenly started spinning and soon she fell down to the ground.

The white bedsheets were soft and smelled of fresh lavender and was embracing Katarinas cold skin. She opened her eyes and remembered she had fallen down and now she was here, in Rubens house. This wasn’t her usual room however, she recognized it and it was the man’s own room, and his bed. This sudden realisation made her hug the duvet and imagine that this was where he usually slept. _What a lucky bed_ , she sighed. Ruben was distrustful of hospitals and simply called Tatiana as soon as Katarina had fallen to the ground, and then proceeded to take her back to his place. Worried he didn’t leave her side once until Tatiana proved that there was nothing wrong with the woman, and that she was just fatigued. Katarina could hear their voiced from outside the room as she awoke. Their words were blurred out but the voices were still noticeable. The door opened and Ruben came back inside and instantly noticed that the woman was awake. Without a word he walked over to the bed and in his left hand he carried a glass of water which he put upon the bedside table.

“How are you feeling,” he then proceeded to ask while turning his head toward her. “Kat?”

“I’ve been better” she said in a silent tone and struggled to sit up in the bed and Ruben hastily took a step forward to aid her in this matter. “Thanks.” A small glimpse of a smile was seen from her.

“You just need some rest. You can stay in here; a few things have still not been moved from your flat into your new room.” Tatiana knew that Ruben was responsible for bribing people at the bank that ultimately led to Katarina being kicked out from her home, and she held him responsible and while laying passed out in his bed Tatiana gave him a proper scolding. She had known him since he was a young boy, he had indistinguishable callous traits even then and they kept peeking out time to time but that was no excuse for him to act like he did now. Tatiana could not hold him alone at blame for his behaviour; she knew what his parents had made him go through and then the fire accident several years later – all of that would be enough to make even the sanest being go mad.

“What about you?” Katarina asked and grabbed the drink and took some of the cold water. “This is your room. I can go.”

“It’s fine, stay.” He was wearing a light shirt with long sleeves, looking well-dressed as always and in Katarinas eyes laid admiration. “I’ll be over there.” He pointed at a dark desk in the corner of his big room, and could make excuses of why he did not leave the room but the truth was he just wanted to stay there to make sure she slept well and did not feel worse. Katarina was feeling like she was caught in a vivid hallucination, and that the time stopped outside of her. The situation was surreal, but she did not complain, it was calming having him so close to her as she fell asleep.

Ruben couldn’t concentrate on work even if he tried to, and ended up walking over to the bed where Katarina was sleeping calmly. A few hours had passed since she seemed to have fallen asleep. A few notes were scribbled here and there but nothing of value was accomplished; just like the past six months. A stray hair was covering one of her eyes and carefully he stretched his hand out to push it away to the side. His hand remained situated on her cheek lightly and he leaned forward to give her a quick kiss on the forehead. As he pulled himself backwards her eyes have now opened and he found himself in an awkward position. They simply looked at each other before he was about to stand up straight again but Katarina grabbed a hold of his hand and pulled his hand closer; forcing him to sit down on the other side of the bed.

“I killed him” Ruben said and looked utterly serious and felt unfair keeping this away from her suddenly; not being entirely honest because Martin was still breathing but he was as good as dead. “Martin.” A small frown was seen upon Katarina, but Ruben expected another response entirely.

“Oh” she simply said. “Why?”

“Because he wanted the one thing I care about and I could not allow that” he shrugged, avoiding mentioning that he was referring to Katarina. “I must say, I expected another reaction. Do you hate me yet?”

“Are you disappointed in my reaction?” She leaned forward to him and pulled him closer so his face was just in front of her. “I suppose I should be sad… Perhaps even mad. But I feel nothing. I’ve felt nothing my entire life. Not even when people die, not even when I saw a kitten get crushed by a metal pipe and I’ve known something was wrong with me since. This sounds cheesy as fuck, but I somehow finally feel something. I’ve seen death, it doesn’t scare me. Neither do you.”

Surprised by the reply he got after admitting to such an awful crime he just looked at her for a short bit while thinking how similar it sounded to himself when she was describing emotions and empathy.

“I’m sorry” Rubens voice turned into a low and sly tone. “I tried to stay away from you to keep you safe, but I don’t think I can.”

“You wouldn’t hurt me.”

The cries of a dying man with his head cut open and brain exposed was hidden beyond the soundproof wall where Ruben and Katarina were engaging in a deep kiss.


	10. Frame of mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been stuck for so long actually, haven't really known what path I wanted to go and been distracted by so many things... And I have wanted to write so many times but I ended up deleting most of it since it was bad/made no sense and so on... 
> 
> Well finally here is something new! Not the best chapter not the most eventful one (but I'm satisfied anyway) but I hope to get back on track with monthly uploads at minimum, and thank you all for the patience and for staying with me! ♥ 
> 
> I feel deeply for these characters and this story and I plan to stay with it until the very end, however I don't want it to be rushed I want it to be as good as possibly. I'm sure there will be mistakes when I look through it all at some point but wellwell, it has been fun and thank you all, see you soon again :3

A few rays of sunshine fell through the curtains and landed upon Katarinas forehead, as she was still sleeping soundly. Ruben was awake and held his arm around her and calmly watched her. It was soon Christmas, and as he was imagining them hanging stupid decorations in a tree he was reminded of the negligence concerning his machine and the rescue operation for his sister. If not for him she wouldn’t have been hurt in the first place and now he was placing his own desires before what he owed her. It felt almost impossible to move on currently, what else could he try? The machine was working, he could connect the consciousness of others but… they all died. There had to be a component, a piece he was missing in the puzzle.

“What are you thinking about” Katarina yawned and he had been so away in thought he didn’t notice when she woke up.

“Nothing important” he said and pulled her hair back behind her ear.

“Can I see?”

“See what?”

A moment of exchanging looks in silence was followed by an awry looking smile, “You said you killed him. Can I… see?”

“Do you want to?” Ruben asked as he stood up from the bed and held out his hand so she could grab it. “Come.”

The everlasting inner void had been temporarily sated, as she took hold of his slightly burnt hand and walked with him. It felt like she lived on schedule; as if time was constantly counting down and she was rushed to do what she wanted. Then again it was not an unusual feeling in her world. The woman followed Ruben as he led her into the lab room and the sight of Martins suffering was beckoning. Manners of survival through probing and examining the brain was… impressive. Martin’s eyes were moving; searching for an ounce of humanity still residing in Katarina which she almost too easily dismissed.

“Teach me” she said and laid her hand upon Rubens chest and looked up at him with admiration. “I want to learn.”

A moment of hesitation occurred but not before long the scientist agreed to her request. In return he had to think of something good to ask of her. Days passed, and Katarina had surpassed the knowledge she would have learned in school already. Ruben was impressed; however this was not something he wanted to show too eagerly. His thoughts began to wander; if she was this easily taught she might even be of help when it came to developing his machine in due time? Would he even want to drag her into this kind of world?

A light knock was heard on the door leading to Katarinas room; it might even be suitable to call it her home by now since it was technically the only placed she lived. Heavy snow had covered the lands the past few days, and tomorrow it was Christmas Eve. She put down the book she was reading and came up to the door. While Ruben knew that she was obviously going to be there on the other side of the door, he still could feel his heart jumping a little when their eyes met. On the outside he remained as calm as ever. Just as she was going to greet the man he interrupted by saying, “Come.” Without any further explanation he began to wander away in the corridor and Katarina took quick steps to catch up. When she was walking behind him she was free to stare at him, gaze at the edges from his shoulders, his back and down to his hands. Filled with a slight nervousness by being in the man’s presence she was filled with a sudden urge to keep him safe; protect him from the darkness in the world even though she knew it was a silly thought. Ruben had taught her so much; shown so much selflessness lately and helping her learn neuroscience and putting his own research on hold. Even though the pair both admittedly had strong feelings for each other there were still so many questions. Katarina wasn’t sure if they were together now, they never said anything regarding that matter and Ruben himself was very unsure if he was allowed to approach her however he stayed in silence behind his cold gaze.

“We’re going to the attic,” he suddenly broke the silence with. “To get some stuff.”

“What stuff? Also I didn’t even know you had an attic you could actually use.”

Ruben pulled down an attic ladder from the ceiling that was fairly hard to see unless you knew it was there, so they could climb up. It was dusty, dark and riddled with cobwebs on many collected things and Katarina simply followed Rubens lead to avoid falling over on anything. He grabbed a big box and gave it to her. Katarina was curious and wanted to see what was inside.

“Wait” Ruben said, and in his attempt to stop her from looking his hand ended up on top of hers, as she was holding the box. “Don’t look yet. You can do down with this one in the hall if you want, I still have to find the other box…”

“Are you sure you don’t need help?”

“It’s fine, I know it’s here. Just don’t leave the hall when you get there before I’m there.”

“Okay boss” Katarina said in a jokingly matter, and a small grin was seen on Rubens face.

Curious the woman tried to listen to the box for clues what was in there while she was walking down the main stairs in the hall, but little was of meaning. A little rattling, some sort of chiming sound but it all simply made her more confused. From the windows in the hall she could see it was still heavily snowing in the nightfall, and if the light from the mansion didn’t light it up slightly outside she was sure it would be complete darkness out there. It took a few minutes before Katarina saw Ruben coming down the big set of stairs with a box looking exactly like the one she had carried.

“Finally, I was getting restless” she said and arose from one of the chairs. “Okay, so do we open them now or what?”

“No you can go now.”

“What? I don’t even get to know what secrets you have in these boxes? Then I’m just gonna look anyway.”

“I wasn’t serious. You can look. It’s not spectacular.”

“Wait,” she said and lifted one of her eyebrows. “Did you just make a… _joke_? Ruben has _humour_? The world needs to hear this!”

He tried looking irritated at her sarcasm but it was impossible to completely hide his smile and she was laughing, perhaps more than she should at her own bad joke, and he wished she would always feel like smiling like that with him. Ruben went forward with his box and walked into one of the big rooms, the one with a fireplace and other cozy measurements. The fireplace was however occupied with things, perhaps his avoidance of fire made him not want to use it. The floor was usually big and empty but on this evening a big green tree was occupying space.

“Is that… a Christmas tree?” Katarina said and tiled her head, she was actually surprised that he even had a slight interest in holidays and such.

“I bet you expecte-“

“Brains? Yes, I did” Katarina interrupted as he opened the box he was carrying and showed it was simply decorations. “How disappointing, no brains.”

“I don’t care much for holidays, but I had a sister and she loved the holidays.” He stopped and turned around from looking at the tree so he faced Katarina. “I figured you should at least have one good Christmas.”

The gesture and the fact that he had thought of her was so moving, she almost felt sick. How do you cope with caring? It was painful but at the same time so exciting; like an adrenaline rush needed to keep functioning.

“Ruben… You didn’t have to do this” she said and together they started hanging little trinkets in the tree, some sparkling and others glistening. He was right, Katarina had never had any sort of Holiday-celebrations when she lived in treatment homes and short stays at foster families. Sometimes at the special care units they tried to fix it up in the Christmas and do something nice with everyone together, but Katarina opted out every single time. She refused to join in on those shallow events where the people who lived there pretended to like each other; none of them would care if they themselves had a nice life but everyone else had a really atrocious one, because they would linger in the happiness that they became something better. Katarina wasn’t the same; she already _knew_ she was better than them on every plane of existence. Life wasn’t sacred; it was there to be claimed in her hands. In her eyes their life was like a gift you hated but kept anyway even though it should be returned to where it came from.

Ruben held Katarina in the corner of his eyes, and was glancing as she stood in front of the tree. Earlier that morning Tatiana had called him, asking weird questions about the maid and ultimately asked him to get something from her; preferably one of her hairs. Apparently and old woman carried the same last name as Katarina, while that itself was not to uncommon, the woman had apparently lived here in the city before and Tatiana was unsure if she was fooling herself or if the woman actually had a small resemblance of Katarina herself. She wasn’t sure if it would even be helpful to find out of these two were related, but often people wanted a reason and a closure when things like this happened and she would make that happen if it was in her power.

“What happened to your sister?” She carefully asked and hoped it wasn’t too terrible to mention, after all she knew almost nothing about her.

“I had a lab, and it was set on fire solely for the purpose of stealing my research. I don’t know how they got hold of it in the fire. My sister was there and yeah…” Katarina could see that is was very difficult to talk about, so she was just glad he shared something so intimate with her and didn’t want to pressure him into talking about more.

“Ruben” Katarina suddenly had a serious tone about her voice as he was lost in his thinking. “I want to help. With your research. Be of some use.”

“I’ll think about it” he replied and began to consider it. He had always hated working with others, but then again Katarina was not others, she was special and since he had gotten nowhere in the recent time perhaps a fresh view of things would be of benefit.

The tree was beginning to take shape, filled with different lights and decorations. The woman almost felt a certain pride in what they had created. Ruben sensed a faint smile on her and put his arm around her. He avoided looking at her because it was uncomfortable and he didn’t really know how to act. It was cozy, having his warm arm wrapped around her. Katarina was still intrigued; did Ruben know the person who set his lab on fire that day? She wanted to know; perhaps she could be useful in more than helping with his research…


	11. Executioner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I took a break it fucked me up with knowing what each characters knows and what not LOL shiiiet
> 
> I wish I had talent and did not just repeat the same things over and over... Well enjoy and give critique if something seems weird or/if there are any wrong spellings or mistakes! Thanks for reading everyone, so much. 
> 
> I also did my playlist I have here (mostly so I can listen when not at my comp) but decided to post it here:   
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHDsd3lgEG9itO0FboeN6L_do4fSSOOoU  
> I almost always listen to this playlist when writing this story and each song reminds me about Ruben, Katarina, their weird attraction and their universe. 
> 
> Thanks for the patience and comments ♥ it really gives motivation!

A gift was wrapped in shining golden paper and stood on the desk where Ruben was sitting. It contained a necklace with a small vial of red liquid on a real silver chain. Ruben didn’t like gifts, until now he’d never give anyone else anything even if it had no value and he was considering if it would be strange if he gave this to Katarina as a Christmas gift. Tatiana had invited herself and entered the building on her own, going quickly toward Rubens study room hoping she would find him there and she did. As she opened the door Ruben was startled and looked at her with a grim face.

“You know sneaking isn’t polite” he said and tried to get her attention away from the gift as he hastily put it down in a drawer on the desk.

“Not my gift I presume?” she said with a smirk, as if she was teasing him. “I’ve been trying to reach you, but you’ve been completely off the radar. Again.”

“I’ve been busy. Get to the point then.”

Tatiana sat down in front of his desk and pulled up a piece of paper from her bag, and continued to ask; “I’ve had dealings with Katarina since long back, but I’m unsure if I told you or maybe she has told you, but her mother left while she was still a child.”

“So?” Rubens cold manners made it seem like he was uninterested, but in fact he was intrigued about where this was going.

“We have a new patient at my ward, and her name is Sanders. Why this is of no remarkable irregularity I still decided to look up the person, and I found out there are no documents on this person prior to almost ten years ago and it matches the time Katarina supposedly was left by her mother. I don’t know… I have been thinking about it, if you were in her shoes would you want to know? It could still be a coincidence but… I don’t know what is right to do here.”

Ruben sat quiet for a minute while he was contemplating the information given to him.

“So you are saying the possibility is quite high? Hm, so what do you need from me?”

“Well DNA essentially, perhaps a hair or something? I don’t see a reason to tell her unless we know for sure. I was trying to tell you this but apparently you don’t answer your phone or anything at all.” 

“I’ll fix it. Was that all?” Ruben stood up and showed her to the door, as a gesture that he wanted to be left alone now.

“Oh and Ruben,” Tatiana said and turned to him as she was leaving the room. “Good luck with the gift.”

His annoyed face was simply a confirmation that she was on a touchy subject and she found it slightly amusing. Tatiana had known him for so long, she had never seen him take a liking to anyone outside the family and he used to only talk to his sister so perhaps this was a good thing that he finally had someone.

Katarina was still sleeping when he entered her room quietly after Tatiana had left. It was still late morning, and the woman was looking peaceful and calm. Every time he saw her it felt like the first time, examining the edges of her face and being in awe in front of her beauty. He put the gift on her bedside table and left the room. After carefully considering Ruben found it easier to leave it there than to give it to her personally. When the woman awoke from her slumber and found the golden gift she immediately had to sate her curiosity. The necklace was odd and rancid, exactly in her liking and she put it on instantly. The woman did not have expectances for receiving anything, and she felt special he did this. Beneath his angry outside she was glad he showed that he cared for her, as long as he didn’t care for anyone else. Then she would have to kill them probably, and possibly kill him too for the betrayal. That was not the case at the moment, but sometimes she worried about it.

The day was uneventful and Katarina was waiting for Ruben to spot that she was wearing the necklace; however he seemed busy as she saw him go into the library and read for a long time. Her thoughts were still lingering who set fire to his lab, and she took out a paper and wrote what she remembered.

 _Doctor David Mark._ The doctor who had written the papers from when he was released from hospital after the incident. _Tatiana Gutierrez_. His personal doctor and some sort of contact person since some time ago (time unknown.) _Sister._ His sister (what is her name?) became insufferably damaged in the fire and is in coma or so? _The strange men._ The scientists that visited the mansion earlier during this year, where one actually left early or disappeared.

Katarina looked down at her notes with a pensive look on her face. If she truly wanted to find out the truth she would probably start with Tatiana or the doctor, after asking Ruben again of course. Night came and Katarina had hardly seen nor talked to the scientist during the day; he simply just left a gift and turned into a ghost. Sleepless she was staring at the full moon that was shining through the dark treetops and fell down on her face through the window. The woman leaned over and from her drawer took up a sharp knife with red details on it. She had always had it with her when she slept or when she lived at strange foster care families, but when she moved into her own flat she had forgotten it and only found it when she moved all her stuff to Ruben. Her hair was still moist from the bath and she was gazing upon the silver linings with red crystals on it. She kept holding it as she left her bed, only wearing black underwear that were slightly sheer combined with the necklace, and walked toward Rubens bedroom. Katarina stopped in front of the door and she hesitated a second, before changing her mind and opening the door. Luckily he didn’t lock the door and she could see him sitting on the bed still fully clothed and a book in his left hand. As he looked up and noticed the woman he was slightly surprised, and seeing her standing in underwear a bit before him made him feel a yearning to be close to her.

“Ruben” she said in a sincere voice and after a brief moment she walked forward and with her free hand she pulled him up and pressed him against the wall on the opposite side of the bed. She pulled the knife and slashed it into the wall just to the side of his head. He did not even flinch.

“You think I’m scared of you?” he asked and gently caressed the side of her stomach as he leaned forward enough to feel the warmth from her skin and continued to move his hand up and took a hold around her neck.

“What are we?” the woman asked, as he kept his hold of her around her neck, although it was not too tight so she could still breathe. “I want to know what we are. You and me.”

“You are mine, to do with as I please. Just as I am yours. We are the same, we thrive from the same darkness. That sufficient enough for you?”

“Show me. Show me that I am yours” Katarina replied and took the knife out from the wall and put it in his hand. A small smile to place on his lips and he carefully touched the tip of the knife against her skin above her breasts.

“I will comply with your request” he said and nibbled at her ear before he stuck the knife into her skin and on her chest where her heart was the blood began to flow. The skin parted and showed the innocent flesh hiding underneath and the shape of an R took place. Katarina didn’t mind the pain; it was refreshing to feel something so strongly.

After he was done she held him closer so the blood from her chest got smeared all over his shirt and she just smiled and moved her hands to unbutton his shirt. The man wore no bandages underneath and she could spot the burnt skin going over to some parts that still seemed unharmed. His skin was beautiful in her mind, like a map made from violence and beauty. With the knife she mimicked his gesture and carved a K into his chest. Not even once did Ruben flinch, as his skin was partly without touch. Afterwards the pair engaged in a deep kiss whilst the blood from the wounds mixed up. They fell down on Rubens bed and each item of clothing fell off and ended up on the floor. Sex wasn’t the most pleasant thing for Ruben due to some of his wounds being around his nether parts, but it went better than it did first time since he was prepared it would hurt. And just like Katarina, he didn’t mind pain, it was a part of everything.

 _I like it when it hurts like hell_  
There’s nothing you can do to me  
I wouldn’t do to myself  
I’ll be bound to you in leather and chains  
I’ll be your sister your young bride  
Your angel your slave

_/ Nicole Dollanganger – Mean_

While Katarina was still sleeping Ruben took the freedom to get a few hairs from her that he could present to Tatiana. Usually nightmares plagued him but by having Katarina close in his arms an unusual calmness seemed to always occur. He stored them in a drawer by his bed before he leaned back in bed and looked over at her. The woman had moved in her sleep and the duvet was exposing her chest and her long dark hair was swirling down over her breasts, where stains of blood were still seen on one side. What was he doing? He didn’t know as much about her as he wanted, yet no person had ever captured him as this woman. She was fearless, brave and twisted; just like himself. They were similar to each other, but not too similar, there were still elements of surprise and he liked that. Ruben did not possess the same social bravery as she did; he avoided people more than anything.

Winter was beginning to pass as a new year presented itself. Flies were circulating old food in the kitchen as Katarina had become absent-minded toward keeping the order during the holidays that had been. Her mind was fluctuating between Ruben and the development for STEM. They needed more subjects; how else could they test all hypotheses they had developed the past month? Katarina had an idea about trying to test it on people who suffered from different neurological disorders and compare the results to ‘normal’ people. If someone had a condition that affected the brain, how would it work in conjunction with a machine that strictly worked through brains? The problem seemed to be an incompatibility with prior test subjects as according to Rubens own words, they had all died much too quickly when connected to it. If they found a way to make it work on people and not kill them, it would be a revolution. You could control people’s thoughts in big groups, use it to cure or perhaps _infect_ their minds. What a thought.

Tatiana did not have much free time away from work, but she had at least been free for one week during the holidays. Even though it was early morning the emergency room on the first floor still held a few people. She saw them through a window as she passed outside the lobby and took the elevator to the ninth floor and her own ward. Everything looked the same, except the big pile of papers on her desk which left her with a sigh. A little plant was standing in the corner, made from plastic otherwise it would surely have died a long time ago, in an effort of trying to make her office slightly more homely. The office door flung open and caught the woman by surprise.

“Tatiana, you need to come and see this” the man said and made a gesture for her to follow.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, as they walked down the hallway and she recognized the way to Leslies room.

“Look,” he said and opened the hatch on the sturdy door and she peeked inside.

Leslie was sitting in a foetal position with his face covered and the walls were covered by carved markings saying _She will die_ over and over. Few were of comfort at times like these but Tatiana had learned how to calm him and went into his room.

“Leslie” she said in a low tone and carefully placed his hand on top of his that were on his face. “Did you see something?”

Despite suffering from autism, schizophrenia and synesthesia Leslie was never violent, which people expected from everyone hospitalized at the ward. He was a childlike innocent soul, which still asked to go home to his parents not understanding that were not waiting for him. Tatiana felt bad for him; she did not understand how parents could simply abandon their own child because he was not exactly like the other children.

“She will die” he kept mumbling and waddled back and forth.

“It’s okay Leslie, I’m here. Whatever you saw, it will be okay. No one will die, okay?”

It took a while to comfort Leslie, and in the meantime the man who led her there searched for a sharp object that he had used to make the marks on the walls. Tatiana was disappointed that the person who had the night watch did not see him begin doing this and interfered. A lot of people working at the ward didn’t seem to care that much, not in an honest way. When Leslie finally felt better Tatiana could leave his room and almost jumped as Ruben stood outside the room to her surprise. The door was not yet closed and Leslie caught a glimpse of the man in the hallway and instantly screamed out loud and crawled to the side of the door so he was hidden from sight.

“Keep an eye on him for a bit” Tatiana said to a nurse in the hallway and pointed in to Leslie, and he was heard repeating the phrase _He’s here_.

“Don’t mind him Ruben, he might have confused you with something he saw” she said. “Let’s go to my office.”

Ruben was old school in the matter that it was more likely he showed up in person rather than phoning or sending a text message like people does these days. In the room he presented a small plastic container with some hair in it.

“So, did you tell Katarina about it?”

“No. Only if it turns out they _are_ related otherwise unnecessary.”

“Fair enough” she said and took the container. “It will take some time, but I will notice you as soon as it’s done.”

“Good. That was all.”

“Ruben, wait. We might as well do our monthly check up now, when you are here. I got time.”

He shrugged his shoulders, “I guess.”

Tatiana pulled out a folder she had on Ruben and looked at some of her notes.

“Are you remembering to take your medication frequently? You’ve been a bit sloppy with it before.”

“It’s fine, I don’t feel a need to take them anyway.”

“It’s important you take them Ruben, schizophrenia isn’t anything to take lightly on. What if you start seeing things again? And how is food and sleep? Katarina still on duties to cook?”

His gaze flinched a bit when he mentioned Katarinas name but he pretended like it was nothing and replied in his normal serious tone, “Yes, she said she did not mind cooking.”

“Okay, that’s good. No other problems?” Tatiana waited for an answer but he shook his head so she moved on. “It’s been 6 months since we checked your values, so I’d say we should do it again since you’ve been negligent with your medications. Can you unbutton the top of your shirt so I can check your heartrate?”

Remembering that he had a relatively fresh wound shaped as a K above his heart it felt like a bad idea to make that visible.

“I’m fine. I have a meeting with the science counsel so I have to take my leave” he lied and nervously walked out the door but still felt proud he had averted the situation with calm and wit.

“It could still be good to check your values so that everything is right soon. I will contact you when I know something then, will head with this to the sixth floor. Got a friend that will help me. Take care Ruben.”

While Ruben had originally planned to go into town alone, Katarina had insisted on following along and she had spent the time in a nearby bookstore down the same road whilst waiting. Ruben could see her between the rows of books through the big glass window and for a short moment he was watching her. Her dark long hair was a little bit messy and curly at the ends and she was wearing a dark blue loose shirt with a short black leather skirt, always looking magnetic whatever she wore. He did not have time to move whilst she went to pay for the books and came out from the store and saw him standing on the other side of the road and she came and met him up.

“Ruben, I’ve been thinking, have you tried-“

“Shut up” he interrupted her and suddenly kissed her. The woman who was surprised by this act did accept that she would have to tell the man her idea later and _enjoy the moment until then..._


	12. Observatory mansions

Rubens feet sank into the soft sand on the shore, and in the far distance he could see the sun slowly sinking down into the sea. A red sky accompanied with the sound of small waves crashing against the ground. This was a place he had not been in years. The man looked at the sun, it almost… looked like it was a piece of wood burning bright in the sky. Odd, he felt as he turned away from the sea and the strange sun and looked at a small hill filled with sunflowers and on the top of the hill a barn was placed. He found himself walking through the field of flowers and closing in on the barn, when a distant laughter was heard. Ruben couldn’t see anything; and ultimately continued onto opening the barn door.

“Ruben! I found you!” A young Laura took shape in front of him with a friendly smile, but as he waited the smiled faded. “You didn’t forget me, did you? …You did, didn’t you!?”

An echo of tears blended with the loud scream as the woman’s shape shifted into a pale being with ripped apart skin. Her eyes turned black; like a forgotten piece of the sky and her fingers turned into long claws. Before he knew it she jumped on him and held him down to the floor, pressing her sharp claws against his neck forcing blood to come out. For some reason, the doctor found himself paralyzed and unable to do anything back to protect himself, and in a way he didn’t want to. He had this coming; he deserved it all for what he had done. _He should have saved her_.

“You forgot me!” Laura screamed in a heavily distorted voice while she hit him again and again. “You promised you would save me! You liar!”

Ruben felt as if the world was falling away from him and turned into darkness, and in the moments of his death he finally awoke from the nightmare, with his heart racing. The dreams had become worse lately, the guilt was becoming overbearing. He didn’t even have to be asleep anymore to sometimes see her, and every time she wanted him dead. The climate was getting warmer, and Katarina had taken to fixing up the garden by planting new flowers there so they would bloom during the summer. Ruben hadn’t told her about his recent dreams or illusions, and neither did he plan to. In fact he had avoided her in general by saying he had to work. Katarina had told him of some good ideas about trying on people with different neurological issues, so far it had gone better than the people he tried on before but they all died too quickly when being connected to the STEM-machine. There had to be one detail he was overlooking; if only he could break that and the machine would work.

 _The specific process to break down a human’s psyche, to obliterate it and give myself free rein, is so obvious. Just one pivotal part_ , he thought as he took the probe and stuck it into the patient’s brain. Before when Ruben was working together with Marcelo, he would provide him with subjects to test his research on; however the case was much different now so he had to use his wit and collect patients with the correct requirements himself. His physical condition wasn’t very good either, so he had to make sure he had the upper hand at all times and plan it accordingly so nothing could go wrong. Instead of asking Katarina for help he simply kept her out of it all, and she knew it.

Katarina was lying in her bed, being entirely exhausted but yet unable to sleep due to her rapid thoughts plaguing her mind. It was impossible to figure out Ruben. One day he acted as if he liked her, then the next it all seemed forgotten. She wasn’t sure if something was bothering him, or maybe he always acted this way. How could she know? She was stupid enough to start falling for him when she hardly even knew the man, what did she expect? Perhaps she should pack her bags and run away, far away where no one would know her. No demands, no cares. In theory it would be so simple. In action however she felt torn.

The following day Katarina didn’t even bother asking to borrow the car, but left the building and took the bus into town. She figured Ruben wouldn’t even notice that she left, but he did even though he pretended not to. Katarina saw that some of the leaves had begun to grow again after the cold winter.

Tatiana was sitting and reading through the test results that conveniently had returned to her just a few minutes prior to Katarinas entrance in town. The hair was a definite match to the old woman… which ultimately led to the fact that this woman was Katarinas mother? She had fit the description however Tatiana had kept track on others who also did. Tatiana’s door flung open and the woman herself stood there looking serious. Maybe that was why Ruben and Kat fit together, they both seemed to just barge in here and have no manners Tatiana thought to herself.

“Well come on in” the woman said and waved Katarina to come sit down. “Not like I was working or anything.” She closed the folder and pretended it was any normal folder while she contemplated telling her the news or not.

“I need your help, Tatiana” Katarina said and made sure she closed the door behind her. “There was an accident. Five years ago right?”

“Why don’t you ask Ruben about this? You guys have grown pretty close, right?”

“I’m asking you because he won’t tell me. This Christmas he mentioned his sister and he had a lab but it was burnt down. You must know something more?”

Tatiana scratched her forehead a little, “Well I don’t know much at all, and most is confidential.”

“Tatiana, please. I can’t help him if I don’t know.”

The innocent look Katarina was giving was enough for Tatiana to be convinced, she always did have a soft spot for this girl since everything she had gone through.

“I only know a little, okay” she said and leaned back in the chair with a deep sigh. “Rubens parents died when he was… 17-18, I don’t recall exactly, and after that he inherited their wealth. He lived together with his sister, Laura, and he had great interest in science. Honestly I think he learned more on his own than some of the people I work with…” Tatiana shrugged.

“Anyway, his father was well-known in the science committee and he inherited his place on there, except he didn’t really get along with the rest. The others, from what I know, were more interested in money and drinking than actual science. Things were like that for some time, and suddenly the committee seemed to change their mind about him and financed him his own lab. I don’t know any details regarding this, but that is where he worked until the night of the fire.”

“Come on Tat, you said you didn’t know much yet you know so much. And there was no suspicion of crime after the fire either?”

“No, apparently the police looked into it but all they found was some chemical residue that was proven to be the cause. Apparently they claim two substances had accidentally mixed and the combination led to fire.”

“Because that doesn’t sound suspicious,” Katarina snorted and shook her head.

“The police said the evidence was solid enough, but yeah, who really knows?”

“He’s never told me…” Katarina said in a lower tone than usual. “That his sister was named Laura.”

“Was? She is.”

“Is? Is she alive?”

Tatiana held up her hand flat and shook. “Alive isn’t really a definition I would say. After the fire she got hurt really bad, and has remained in a vegetative comatose state ever since unfortunately.”   

“Really? Poor girl” Katarina said, but in fact all she could think about was how it must have affected Ruben. “Thank you for telling me, it means a lot. I don’t mean to pry; it’s just… been obvious he hasn’t been up to par lately.”

“He is bad at showing it, but he really cares about you too you know” Tatiana said, and after a few moments of hesitation she opened the folder on the table. “Uhm we, I, uhm, well we found your mother.” Katarina simply looked back at her.

“Excus- what?” she snorted. “I don’t have a mother. And also, how do you know?”

“Well…” Tatiana turned around the folder so the red-haired woman could read it. “This older woman was being sent over her, she carried the name Sanders, and why that is nothing unusual her records are. They stop at the same time your mother disappeared, so I asked Ruben for some hair so we could compare DNA an-“

“Ruben…? He knew about this?” Katarinas expression almost looked like she had been betrayed.

“I’m sorry, we ju-“

Katarina interrupted her mid-sentence, “It’s fine”. Her aura was telling Tatiana that it was not exactly fine but she knew she only did this for the safety. What if she had asked Katarina herself and it turned out to be completely wrong? That would have been even more stupid but she was aware that the maid would not see it like that. “So is she here?” Katarina suddenly asked. She got a nod for respond.

“Do you want to see her?”

_I can’t believe Ruben didn’t tell me…_

“I don’t know, maybe.”

_What is this… feeling? Betrayal…?_

“Wait” Tatiana took a small yellow note from a pad and wrote some information. “Here, this is her room number and full name. You can think about it, you don’t have to see her or do anything at all. Okay?”

“Okay, sure.” Katarina stood up and took the note into her pocket. “I’m going now, thanks.”

Her tone had lost the enthusiastic verge now, as she slumped out from the room.

Ruben was trying to focus on his work, like he used to do in the past, but he still found himself going to check the front door and see if Katarina had come back or not. Afternoon was creeping up and she was still not back and not that he was worrying he was simply… _curious_ , yes curious on what she was doing.

After leaving the hospital ward Katarina had instantly made way over to the library, after stopping to buy a coffee, and sat down with old books and newspapers. She didn’t know anything about the police investigation but the story sounded suspicious to _her and it should do to anyone_ , she thought. She just had to go back 10-5 years and try and find information of all the members of the committee, it had to be here _somewhere_.


	13. All survivour, no guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I'm really sorry for not updating! I've been having some health issues and then personal issues, so it's been some shitty months. But here is a try on making a new chapter!
> 
> I tried reading up to remember everything but if mistakes occur please point them out! ♥
> 
> Thank you for the support as well, means sooo much youre all so kind

Ruben couldn’t sleep and was sitting looking at the vast darkness forming outside his bedroom window. Katarina had returned earlier that night, and even though he pretended like he had been prancing around keeping an eye out for other reasons it was all because of her. She had vanished earlier during the day and without a word she returned and disappeared into her room. It’s best this way; Ruben told himself over and over, knowing there were things he could not save her from if they got truly involved. However it might already be too late. In his entire life the only true love he had felt before was for his sister; and this was overwhelming his mind so much he had hardly worked nor thought of her.

“They have to be registered somewhere…” Katarina spoke silently to herself while fiddling with her laptop. If this so-called science committee was an actual legit existence, there should be information somewhere. Technology was in her favour, a lot of old newspapers and local documents were available on the library website. It was rather surprising they kept all of these scanned articles and old events; even for such a large city. Time ran by and whilst searching little did she know that outside of her room stood Ruben, staring at the old dark wooden door. He had raised his hand and wanted to knock, wanted to ask if she was fine and wanted to hold her in his arms. But he froze and simply stood there. He wanted to hit her, mutilate her and ask her why she did this to him. He wanted to own her, make her his forever. Unsettling thoughts clouded his mind as he continued wandering down the hall in search for something unfamiliar to him; bottles of wine.

Finally her effort had proven useful as she found an old article about something called “Crimson City Science Committee”. This was a term she felt rather dumb for not simply searching for earlier, it wasn’t really a creative or unexpected name. Turns out they had a website and a poorly designed one too. People could apply to join them; like they were some kind of popular self-loving elitists. That was probably true as well. Names, Katarina wanted names. She found a list, almost like it was created for her. Names of the current members. _Ruben Victoriano_. A cold chill went through her body as she saw his name. Thoughts lingering between wanting to find him and also anger for doing things behind her back. Did he not trust her? Underneath the list were previous members that had passed away, where one named stood out. _Ernesto Victoriano_ , presumably Rubens father then. She typed down every name and was determined to look up each and one of them. If something truly did happen she would find it, and if nothing was found it was probably nothing to worry about.

It was early in the morning and the leaves were still full of dew when Katarina entered the hospital ward once again. Her steps were echoing in the silent hall way as she made her way to the lift and went upwards. Her mother; no the strange woman biologically related to her, was here. The person whom she once harboured nothing but love for was here. Now there was only hatred and disgust. Katarina didn’t even bother to talk to the receptionist, she went to Tatianas office.

“I want to see her.”

Tatiana didn’t question it, she felt a bit guilty for making Katarina upset however she just wanted to be sure it wasn’t nothing. The lock was opened and she was let inside. The woman was old and seemed frail. Scars covered her arms, some of them were fresh whilst others weren’t.

“Mother” Katarina opened up to grab her attention. The woman seemed a little out of it but still looked over at her. “You left me a long time ago. You probably don’t even remember.”

“…D…Deebby?”

“You don’t even remember my name?” The woman sat on the edge of the bed and Katarina walked over to her. “That’s fine, such is expected.”

A bottle was opened and Katarina held it up toward her mouth as if she was drinking it then passed it on to her mother.

“Here, have a drink.”

The woman drank a little as well and then stared at her.

“Kat.”

“I understand if you felt you had to leave me, but one word, one anything would have been nice. Not a word, not a sighting ever again. You don’t know what I had to go through.”

“I… I lost you.” Confusion seemed to go through this woman’s head and her mental state did not seem to well. “I don’t… I don’t know.”

“You can rest now. I forgive you.” She lied. “Come here.”

Her mother leaned her head on her shoulder whilst Katarina patted her head. This was vengeance, this was deserved. The drink contained small amounts of poison. She would return and continue to give her small dosages so it would not be suspicious when she finally died. This was deserved, Katarina thought. There had to be a source of blame for everything, and her selfish mother was one of them.

Jonathan was a large man; the kind of man that combed his hair sideward hoping no one would notice the balding; the kind of man that pretended he loved science whilst not doing any work himself. He worked in a big fancy lab outside of town; however what they did was not really known. Promoted to chief over his department some time ago his pay check was even larger than his ego. The glass door opened and a man wearing a long white robe entered the room.

“Marcelo” Jonathan said, leaning back in his chair whilst his bowel fat bounced. “I hope you have good news.”

“Sir, we have tried, but we can not get it to work. The machine remains in an unfinished state…”

“See Marcelo,” he said and now stood up in an act of dominance. “That is why we hired you. You were allowed to take praise for research your dead pupil had done in exchange for being able to finish the machine for us. If you remain unable to keep your end of the bargain… well I guess we will have to make sure you do keep it.”

“Sir, I just need some more time. If we could…”

“We do not have more time. Your deadline is soon up.”

Marcelo left the office, drying sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. This was all Rubens work, stolen from the burning building and Marcelo did not know how to solve the puzzle Ruben created. It was planned all along, steal it and burn it. Kill him in the fire along with the truth. However they had no accounted for his sister being there, nor him actually surviving it. They were waiting. Ruben was the final piece they were missing.

Marcelo heard his named being called by another co-worked and walked over there.

“There is someone here to see you. She is waiting down in the reception” the woman said and walked back to her place in the lab. The lab was very intricate and posed as a normal place whilst harbouring terrible secrets deeper inside. Katarina had not found it difficult to trace the place. Earlier this morning she had left a note with neurological diseases listed ripped from a book and put it on the kitchen table for Ruben to see. She told nothing more of her plans. Marcelo was one of the names in the list and she would pretend she was there, for perhaps an interview or so? Even waiting in the reception she did not actually have a thorough plan. A few minutes later the man walked downstairs and she waved with a friendly smile.

“Hello, Marcelo yes?” She held out her hand and shook his. “I’m here to talk about your research.”

“I’m sorry, you are?”

“My name is… Laura.” _Fuck_ , she thought to herself. Without thinking it was the first name that popped into her mind. “I’m from Crimson News. We’re doing a special… science show.”

“I don’t really have ti-“

“You know Ruben Victoriano right?” It was apparent he would not listen to her if she didn’t say something outrageous and so she did.

“…Ruben?” Marcelo felt a little worried. This woman was probably lying to him, it was all very suspicious. Then again maybe this was good to try and get some outside information from. “I did yes… How is he doing?”

A fulfilling conversation followed, where both tried to act casual to find out as much information as possible from each other. Marcelo claimed while he had not officially left the Committee he now had very little to do with them and did not attend any meetings. Katarina said Ruben was doing well. She really didn’t know what kind of place this was or what kind of people they were.

Ruben who had gone drinking wine the other night woke up much later during the day and felt like a walking corpse. Alcohol was stupid, he didn’t know why he had felt such an urge earlier but now he had to pay the price. _He fucking loved her_. He had carved her name on his chest and it still hadn’t been obvious to him. There was no way he could live like this. It was time to make a choice. A very hard one. In the midst of anxiety rising thoughts the front door opened as Katarina had returned. He stood at the edge of the stairs and walked down to her.

“I have to tell y-“

“Ruben, I think I made a mistake.”

“Huh?”

“I wanted to find out more about the fire; wanted to see if there was something more behind it.”

“What did you do?” His tone suddenly changed.

“I’ve been talking to some of them. And this Marcel-”

“Why the fuck would you do that? Fucking hell you idiot. Did I ask you to do that? Why are you meddling in my business?”

Katarina didn’t know what to say. He had never raised his voice against her like this before. She wasn’t as smart as she thought, not now. She thought she could handle it all, she wasn’t afraid of everything. At least before she met Ruben. She was scared of losing him, scared she had done something bad. Maybe she overreacted but thinking back on it a lot of details sank in on her.

“We need to leave. Now.” Ruben grabbed his coat and even avoided looking at the woman. She didn’t know what she had done. They were coming he knew it. What he didn’t know, was that it was already too late. Only a minute later when they opened the front door to leave a bunch of people popped up around them. They were armed, they were out for him.

“Ah Ruben, we meet again! Seems we don’t have to wait longer!” The man named Jonathan was there and snorted in his laughter. _“Take them both.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Well I don't know, if anybody actually read this I just want to say thanks if you did! 
> 
> But I don't expect anyone will haha. So this is a slow start, but things are about to get more interesting hopefully as things are bound to start happening! I felt I didn't want to rush too much since it wouldn't feel sincere and didn't fit any of the characters really. 
> 
> This piece is VERY loosely based on The Evil Within, as it contains characters but the events are not as in the game as noticeably. 
> 
> I'm not a native English speaker so there's bound to be mistakes! Also I'm not that good at writing or anything in life, so criticise your hearts out!  
> 


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